When I was small I grew up without a dad. My family was a very unique family. I grew up with a lesbian mom, her wife, my sister, an adopted sister and brother, and a few foster kids. I really liked having a bunch of people around because I was never alone, that’s what I was most afraid of.
After a few years at school it upset me that I never had anyone to give my Fathers Day presents to. So when i was about nine years young I asked my mom to take me and my sister to meet my dad. And it happened, the first thing he said was “Sorry if im not what you expected”. I myself didnt know what I expected. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict. To this day he still forgets about me. But I don't let it bother me, I let it go because im just glad he’s still around.
My mom being a lesbian never bothered me. My step mom was always around since before i was born, and I love her very much. My mom always thought people at school would tease me about it but people actually liked it, it’s different. I would get hurt when people would criticized it or were homophobic but everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I used to go to protests with my mom and my family, i loved it. When she first came out of the closet not all of my family accepted her at first for who she was. Not everyone will. But why hold a grudge on something you cant control? Let go.
I loved having the foster kids around, there was always someone to play with. My only real sister was seven years older than me and had became a drug addict. She wasn't around much, but the foster kids were. When i was about four or five years old one of the foster kids had molested me, I cant remember much, but he got sent away after. I never really liked thinking about it much. Foster kids would come and go, after a while it would hurt, So I had started being mean to them so i won’t get attached because than i wouldn't get hurt.
Throughout these years I was molested than more than one foster kid. I never told anyone really, I don’t even think about it much. I feel since it already happened there’s not much i can do. So why think about something thats going to upset you? I don’t like to give my self self-pity for it. I just let go, of the memories than there’s no more hurt.
I believe no matter how bad your life is you have the power to let go and make it better. Our minds are powerful, but we can learn to control it right and change our whole world around. I am optimistic for this very reason, because i believe in letting go, and it has saved my life.
It's been about 11 years since I wrote that essay, senior year. That essay is actually what got me to graduate high school, thank God! Im 27 now and I definitely forgot who I was for a second, until this reminded me. So since then, my father has passed away and my mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She has retired from work since the diagnosis and still does the foster home thing with her partner. They have me stay in the garage to help around when they need me. I stopped working after my moms diagnosis, I needed to give her more of my time anyways. So I help my mom and her partner with their kids or anything else they need since they're getting a little old. I have been trying to go to school online meanwhile for cybersecurity. Its a bit difficult for me to get my own money without a job. I am trying to find a job that's convenient to my situatiuon so I don't have to completely leave my parents. I have so many ideas and dreams for my life but I feel a bit stuck. Trying to please everyone else but myself. Im sorry this essay was a little longer than I expected but I appreciate you for taking the time to read it. I was living in my car for a while and in a very abusive relationship which I just escaped from. Now there is a restraining order so hopefully I never have to go through thet again. If there's one thing ive learned its LOVE DON'T HURT. So I've returned back home to try to help my parents again. I just want to help my mom out with anything since she's the only one that's always carrying everyone else. I need help to pursue my dreams and to find shelter I feel safe in. Anything helps, even a little advice. Thank you
