8/13/2016 The last two months I knew something was wrong but did not think I'd be thrown the big C. I figure I should make it public instead of people whispering about it as if it's some rumor. It's been over a week since that doctor with a starch look told us they found a big mass in rectum, he said to be truthful it did not look good and look to be cancerous. Pathology report came in to confirm it. Since then I have been in an array of emotions. First foggy, I'll be okay. Then this feeling I had when I saw my brothers face on the news that he was shot. It was a different emotion when my other brother and father died of an illness, along with my moms death when I turned nine, which I was truly emotionally upset about those. It was like you have been hit somewhere with this tragic news and have a very empty space that drains you, hard to explain. Then I had angry, anxiety and then mad. Frustrating dealing with the doctors offices trying to figure it out, the right move, the right direction. Scared then sad, plus totally numb. I try to be tough and strong, but deep down it is hard. Romans 8:28 God uses every difficulty in your life to produce more faith and perseverance in you.