Dec 19, 2017 Latest post:
Mar 19, 2018
A lazy Sunday, bliss!! Still in my pyjamas at 5pm do i care? No. Playing on the bed with the dog and just happened to touch my breast, a lump! 'No it couldn't be sure i am just after my period, girls get lumpy breasts.' Felt it again yes it's there i can't describe the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach I felt sick. Went into my husband and asked him to feel it and he did but the look on his face spoke a thousand words! So, I rang my mum it doesn't matter if your 15 or 50 times like this you need your mum! I needed her reassurance and calmness to help try and put everything in perspective. So i set a plan to ring the GP at 8.30am and get an urgent appointment. Didn't sleep at all that night and was waiting by the phone to ring from 8.20 count down i seen every second and it felt like an eternity. Got an appointment for 10.30am. It felt like this isn't real it was like I was looking in. Gp confirmed and was very supportive giving sound advice. She said that if I hadn't heard anything in two weeks let her know. However, less than two hours later the consultant's secretary rang and offered me an appointment for Thursday morning at 8.45. The questions started 'That was quick does that mean it's serious?' 'I wonder what the GP said, it must have been bad?' 'Did she actually fell lumps on the lymph nodes she checked?'. I tortured myself over the next few days with what if? questions. The thing is I did this silently inside myself I was a different person on the outside. A strong persona for the family so not to worry or upset them. Thursday arrived and I walked with my husband hand in hand into the breast clinic. I needed his strength and support just knowing he was with me I knew I could get through whatever lay ahead. Went into see the consultant and had a needle biopsy which wasn't as painful as I had thought. Busy few hours ahead as had two mammograms as first one wasn't right angle. Then an ultra sound and this is where I started to panic as the girls doing the procedure kept hovering and measuring something in my armpit. Oh my God it has spread that is what I thought and this was reinforced when the radiographer came in and did another needle biopsy from the lymph nodes and then TWO cone biospies of the lump!! I knew at that point I had cancer. Everyone was so nice and the clinic honestly I cant fault them the efficiency and the meticulous manner in which they worked and cared for their patients was second to none. I worked as a nurse in the same hospital and was so impressed but also felt safe in their hands. We were in the waiting room, when the nurse called us and brought us into a private room the consultant was waiting and this confirmed my own diagnosis! I don't honestly remember much of what was said just that I had cancer and anyone else about to go through this or have just gone through this apparently this is normal. My husband asked the questions I was silent what was there to say! All I remember was a date was set for a partial mastectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy for the 20th December in the Ulster Hospital. Things were happening so quickly and I just realised that was our 4th Wedding anniversary.
I am going to follow on in the journal but this is the beginning of my journey. I am just going to sprawl out my feelings, what is happening and not worry about grammar and spelling. So the grammar and spelling police be silent...... Some days I will be upbeat and some days confused. I wanted to do this not for my ego, oh look at me but to help me express my feelings and hopefully by writing it down I won't dwell on the negativity. I find that I do not express my true feelings to my loved ones as I don't want them upset or worried and keep everything to myself. I also hope by doing this and showing people my journey it will create awareness of breast cancer and may help others through their own personal journey.
Ladies Please go to the link below 'support links' and click. then click on link on how to check yourself properly. I am so glad I did!