Mar 21, 2017 Latest post:
May 11, 2017
Welcome to our CaringBridge website. We are using it to keep family and friends updated in one place. We appreciate your support and words of hope and encouragement. Thank you for visiting. Many of you already know my story. It began in November of 2014, I started doctoring to see if I had a hernia or not, which came about while I was pregnant with Sierra. Well they said they didn't see a hernia but I had a spot on my liver. That began the hell in my life. Dr appointments after Dr appointment....Bismarck....Mayo...biopsies, blood work, scan after scan until they decided I should take an oral chemo. I was reluctant to take the pills but for fear of the unknown and fear of dying that traditional Dr's instill in you..I agreed to take them. I took them for 4 months until one night as I layed violently I'll on a motel room floor I decided I was no longer going to take them. I was dying. My organs were shutting down, I was throwing up and going to the bathroom all day every day. I lived in the bathroom or the ER. I had standing orders at the hospital to just go in for fluids whenever I needed them. That was a weekly visit at that point. I decided if I was going to die it wasn't going to be because of those damn pills...those evil little pills 😖. They were giving me a max of 8 months life expectancy on those pills and with my diagnosis. I'm in only 1% of people with this type of cancer. I was sick of my baby girl crying from being scared of seeing her mommy so sick day after day. It was heartbreaking to look her in the eyes and tell her that I was just sick and that I was going to be ok. I knew it was a lie bit I had to protect her innocent heart. So last July I left my traditional oncologist and started seeing a naturopath dr in Bismarck. I saw them for a couple months then I went to see specialists in Oregon. She then changed the supplements I was taking and gave me a few suggestions and I continued natural therapy in Oregon for a month. During that time I felt the best I had in a very long time. I had to come back to ND in October of last year. Since that time I've been struggling here so bad. I'm not happy with the Dr office I go to anymore. The lack of communication is terrible there and the feeling among the patient's seem to be the same among us all. Unfortunately this is the only place in the state that you can get these iv treatments. We feel alone and that's hard, especially fighting this huge of a battle. I'm in a battle for my life and it's not easy at all. I cry a lot but try to make the best of every day. I have been doing so many things over the last 14 months that if I listed them all, your head would spin! The last scan I had was last May. At that time I had no new growth according to Bismarck. I've developed a terrible cough that I've had now for 2 months. The cough is due to fluid build up between my lung and chest wall. I may have to get this drained in the near future. I keep praying and praying to get well again. This cough has caused me so many additional problems. I've developed a bigger hernia now which I'm needing surgery for, I have ribs problems, one rib is completely detached from my spine. I have swelling in my abdomen from it as well. All I want in this world is for my kids to be happy and healthy and for me to beat cancer so I can see them grow up. My baby is only 3, she needs her mama around for a long time. I've been against getting scans done for the simple fact that my mental state was not well enough to handle any bad news that I may have gotten. I was and am doing everything I possibly can at this point and if it's not working then what would I do???? Well last Friday I decided to get a ct scan. I didn't tell anyone I was going for it, this was something I needed to do alone. I can't explain why, I just needed to be alone or I wouldn't have gone through with it. Yesterday I got the news that the primary tumor in my right lung has in fact grown, so has the one in my liver. I went all day long yesterday not shedding a single tear...until bedtime came. I lost it. This isn't fair...why isn't it dying? I've been fighting and fighting. I've found out over the last few weeks that several people that go to my Dr office are experiencing growth. Most of them have been showing tumor shrinkage until recently. I have nothing else to chalk it up to except that the manufacturer of the iv serum isn't giving us the right stuff. You have no idea how disheartening it is to get this news. I need to go to a different place if I'm going to survive this cancer. I've been looking into a great hospital in Mexico that has fabulous results treating stage 3 and 4 cancers. JD and I now are trying to find a way to come up with the amount of money required to go to this hospital. So if you're able to help in any amount, we'd be forever grateful. We're going to have to start selling things but that's ok. It's just things, my life is far more important than things. We will continue to update this site as I face this new chapter. Much love and prayers to you all. Oh...p.s....with my natural treatment choice I've now made it 14 months with this cancer so I am fortunate for that time but I want more!!! Lots more. I'm not giving up.