Justin and Brandon's Journal

Hello and Welcome to our website

New words to live by

DANCE AS IF NO ONE WERE WATCHING
SING AS IF NO ONE WERE LISTENING
AND LIVE EVERYDAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST


What do angles look Like????

Angles look like the little old lady who returned your wallet yesterday;
Like the waitress who told you that your eyes light up the world;
Like the small child who showed you the wonder in simple things;
Like the poor man who offered to share his lunch with you;
Like the rich person who showed you that it is really possible, if you only believe;
Like the stranger who just helped you along when you had lost you way;
Like the friend who touched your heart when you didn't think you had one;
Like all the neighbors near and far who pray for you when your young child has cancer.

Angles come in all sizes and shapes, all ages and colors.
Some with freckles, dimples, and wrinkles.
Disguised as friends, enemies, teachers, students, lovers and fools.
They are hard to find with your eyes closed but when you choose to see, they are everywhere you look.

To those angles who have been there through the dark times:
I, no WE, thank you, all of you!!!!!

Journal

Monday, July 18, 2005 8:54 AM CDT

Dear Family and friends
How are all of you doing????
I hope all is well with all of you, and I hope that your staying cool during these blistering hot days. Thank goodness I did'nt bother putting in a veggie garden this year!!!
Where do I start??? It's been so long since I've updated.
I am sorry about not keeping all of you up to date on Justin, I know some of you check on this journal weekly, and more then that you pray for us daily, thank you so much for that. And let me TRY to explain my lack of interest in taking the time to write.
Well last fall when I got the news that my cousins son Kyle was not going to survive and the doctors could'nt do anything else to help him other then "keeping him comfortable" a part of me snapped!!! Then when I went to this young mans funeral an even bigger part of me snapped, I had the joy of having my first of many panic attacks. For the life of me I could'nt figure out why him and not Justin????? I was so consumed by the numbers and the "cure rate" that I began believing that I to was going to loose my little boy, we were coming upon our 2 year check up last Dec, and those of you that have been following our story know that 2 years since diagnoses is big in the cancer world, and in the world of stage 4, high risk neuroblastoma 2 years is close to a miracle. I went through a time of not really caring about the next day because I lived in soooo much fear that once again we would get news that would change our lives, and I wasn't strong enough for any of it anymore. I think that I was just plain tired.... To top all of this off I found out that little Emma Blom was taken home on hospice and little Sarah Hunter had relapsed, she was "only" a stage 3, how on earth could this happen????? I was speachless, I could'nt even find the words or the strength to call my friend Jackie, to offer any support what so ever!! through time I realized what I was feeling was 100% guilt.
Here we were moving closer and closer to a "normal" life, and why???? Why did we get soo lucky????
After alot of soul searching and even more bible reading, I realized that I don't have these answers and I never, ever will. I realized that I was so tired because I was caring the weight of guilt around everywhere I went, and my mom has always said, "people can't make you feel guilty, you LET yourself feel guilty and only you can change that". I then made my self remember the long and hard road that we have been down (of course I try to forget!!!), the day's in the hospital, the endless sleepless nights, the times that we did come sooooo close to looseing our little boy, I remembered the hell that Brandon went through not having his family around and living in the hospital for almost one year.
To shorten this a bit and to let all of you get back to your day
I realized that this is cancer.... It is what it is, and it will come and go when ever it wants to and all of us are simply along for the ride, like it or not. Sometimes you can handle it head on and sometimes you just need to take a break.... Sometimes you really do take one day at a time, and then there are days that you can't help but DREAM of the future. There are days that you can wake up thanking God for all you have, and then there are days that you can't help but ask, "Why me God"????
I guess this is what it means when people say, they have been touched by cancer, it really does change your life....

Okay for Justins update. Last check up was done on June 16th. All is clear.... Oh my gosh, honestly I can not believe how lucky we are, this month is his 2 year anniversary since transplant. And with his last check up clear, he will not go back until Dec. That of course is if he remains symptom free.
Our summer once again is a very busy one, and is going by very quickly as I'm sure all of yours are. Justin is signed up for preschool, 3 days a week (M W F), from 8 am until 11am. I guess we'll see how all that goes!!!
Brandon is going to be entering 4th grade, he is playing baseball this summer, he will be going to football camp for a week, and then playing flag football this fall. I'm sure none of this surprises any of you!! Brandon is the little sportO.
Justin has been horseback riding, I have an Pinto Arabian mare, Addi, that is broke pretty well. So he's fallen in love with his own little horse and before the heat attacked us I was taking him riding at least 3 days a week. Don't panic, I'm on the ground walking along with him, but soon I'll get him going on his own. There's actually a horse show the end of Aug that I want to enter them in, the class is called tiny tot leadline.
I will keep you up dated if I do so!!!
Joe is doing well, he's still working out of cottage grove. He's been able to take it pretty easy at work, with weekends off and only working 10 hours a day. We've been lucky to have more family time.

Okay time to sign off, Justin wants to play deer hunting on this computer NOW!!!!!

Love you all, thank you for checking in, take care and god bless!!!!
Dawn
P.S. Don't forget HUG YOUR KIDS
oh yeah please remember to be thankful for what you DO have.

Hospital Information:

Patient Room: HOME

UW Of Wisconsin

Madison, Wi

Links:

E-mail Author: jde_1@charter.net

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