A message from Zack: This goes out to everyone who prayed, shed a tear, and gave generously their time, finances, and support to our family through this life changing experience. To say thank you seems so small compared to the outpouring of love that we have been so blessed to experience. We have had the honor to witness firsthand what happens when people come together in true community to help touch the lives of those in need. It has been Christ-like, it has been phenomenal, and it has been something that will be woven into the fabric of the heart of our family for the rest of our lives. First of all, I would like to say a special thank you to every single person that posted a prayer, encouraging word, and get well wish on the caring bridge sight. The amount of people there are to thank is overwhelming so I thought it would be best to try to thank as many people as possible by writing this post. Reading the messages that were left for me while I was in the hospital was very encouraging. What an experience!!! I have learned so much. As with anything in life knowledge is power and knowledge is never gained without trials and sacrifice. I have learned to be a little better of a listener. Tracheotomies will do that to you. They seem to have an uncanny way of quieting your voice. I have learned to be a little more patient. When you have no use of your limbs the “I need it now” mentality goes by the wayside. I have learned to be more humble. I won’t even begin to share how the humility was taught. I have learned that nothing should be taken for granted. I realize now that being able to pick up a book and turn its pages is not a right, it’s a gift. Life is a gift! I’m not sure I realized that before I became sick. Yeah I would say life was a gift but it was kind of in the same arena of asking someone how they are doing as you continue to walk by them. You hope they are OK; you just don’t want to slow down long enough to hear if they really are. I don’t think like that anymore. I know life is a gift and it has changed my perspective about how I live mine. I have learned more about the continuity of life. Meaning that so much of what we do hear rings throughout Eternity. It all has infinite meaning. My relationship with God, the way that I love my wife and kids, how I handle relationships with my family, friends, and other people all these things have infinite value. They define who we are as people. Our lives are stories and before I became sick I’m not sure if mine would have been worth reading. The reason I say that is this… I spent so much time doing things that I rarely took the time to enjoy anything. I was on the go constantly. I would always tell my wife as soon as I’m done with this or as soon as I’m done with that and on and on. I would do the same things with my kids. We will play such and such as soon as I…. I remember dropping the boys off at my mom’s house many times just running them in and darting right back out the door thinking I will talk to her later. I sometimes sit in front of my dad’s house now just waiting for the door to open and for her to come running out to my car to tell me she forgot to tell me something until I realize that’s not going to happen. We are never promised tomorrow will come yet somehow l seemed to always think it would. I know better now. This is what I have come to realize through a very painful lesson. When I first came out of the coma, all I could think about was the fact that I was paralyzed. I was devastated. I went into the mode of thinking I will do whatever it takes to be whole again. I realized after a few months of “doing” that I wasn’t getting all that much better. I came to an understanding through wrestling with God that I would never be happy even if my exterior is rebuilt. The cause of so much of my uneasiness and discontent had to deal with my interior being paralyzed; completely numb and lacking the capacity to move to change into the person that God had created me to be. It was as if God was speaking directly into my soul and saying now that your exterior has no choice but to remain still I will rebuild your interior. That’s been worth all this to me. I wouldn’t want to do it again but I think that’s the point. I shouldn’t have to. I don’t need a reminder anymore to know that life is a gift. I don’t need a reminder to tell my wife how beautiful she looks and how much I love her. I don’t need a reminder anymore to pay attention to my kids that are growing like crazy. I don’t need a reminder anymore to enjoy life. I don’t need a reminder from God to know it’s not how much I “do” in His name, it’s how much I stop to praise, glorify, and honor the beauty of Him and all He has created. In other words I am starting to know what it really means to be a new creation in Christ. Not just someone who claims to love Him and keeps up appearances through behavior modification. Authenticity has replaced religiosity and I am thankful for that! I have spent so much of my life trying to get Gods will to conform to mine instead of letting His will crash into mine. And when His will crashes into our will it creates an inner collision that even through trials, pain, and brokenness God creates true beauty from the inside-out. Thank you everyone for listening to me, for praying for our family, and for being a chapter of the new story that God is now writing in me. Love, Zack
|
