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laura engler
Laura Engler
I know very much how you feel.  I live this way, and know now that I always will. I thought of you and your son when the tree near my house turned orange at the same time as then in your year.  The holidays are hard.. I never am not thinking of all the stuff we are missing...but at the holidays I feel like I am the only one who is truly marking this perspective in my own life and family.  I am sorry for those moments that no one but you really sees...(looking at my nephew who is sort of alot like my son is my own personal pain...and I am alone when observing this...if I talk about it...I do feel even more alone).
This is hard...it always will be, no matter how well we can be spiritual...we still have that physical absence that hurts so much. 
Well, I am here listening and I understand.  You are doing great job of this...I am probably doing this too, but it doesn't ever get easier, really. 
I guess we are lucky that we have been so blessed, and also that we are not alone in this...but it is still so hard to be the mom of a true saint (which is what I believe we are). 
  
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
It warmed my heart to read about how you treated this Tyler, I'm sure it would make your own Tyler so happy! I'm so sorry for the unexpected times and ways that this grief hits. There are so many "what if's" and "should've been's" for Tyler. I pray for you and your family and know Tyler is missed. Wishing you all a Thanksgiving filled with a special sort of peace and lots of love!! Hugs from Michigan!
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
You and your family have been heavy on my heart this week.  I wanted to get online to sign on Ty's Angel-versary, but the day didn't go quite as planned.  I hope that difficult day was filled with much comfort. 

I love your Thankful post....all the sweet blessings that you choose to reflect on, obviously even the every day things are held dear.  ♥  I hope the holiday season is as gentle on your heart as possible.  I hope it's filled with more happy memories, as you celebrate and treasure this time together...as you carry Ty and your memories of all he enjoyed throughout.  I know he continues to be a special part of all you do.  My thoughts and prayers are with you! 

ps - I'm incredibly hungry for some mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, desserts and Dr. Pepper now!  :)  Ty had great taste! 
laura engler
Laura Engler
There is so much that I want to say to you, but for now...I just can't put the words together.  I am very proud to be allowed to hear you...I am very proud and grateful to be allowed to know about Ty, and I thank you for sharing your very private and personal thoughts.  You are brave and articulate and strong and loving - (beyond what most anyone I ever have known is).

Thank you, and love to you and your beautiful family.

Laura Engler 
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
It is such a blessing to read more about Ty, and the wisdom you're able to share as you continue to survive this heartbreaking experience.  You know how proud you are of Ty for his strength and bravery (of course you are, we all are!)...I know Ty has to be proud of you, too.  I can envision him shouting in Heaving "Hey, look!  That's MY mom!!". 

I love the poem "The Cord", and truly believe the love shared between you two will always keep you connected in a very special way.  I'm not sure if you ever saw this article, but I thought it was pretty cool.  http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/ 

I am grateful that you took the time to share Ty's story and all that it entailed - the impact it had on you, personally, and what you noticed in your own family.  I pray that your family will always be given a special sort of peace, many sweet signs from above and much happiness.  Your beautiful Ty will forever be loved and remembered.  ♥ 
jennifer rocco
Jen Rocco
Thank you for sharing your story. It surely tugged at my heart. Sal adored Ty. When we visit family at the cemetery, he always asks to stop and visit Ty. To this day, he still finds Ty's headstone, as the car is moving, driving down Hummel Road. God Bless you and your family.
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
I knew the point of the story where you left off, and that the continuation would pull at my emotions....I should have waited until I was off work, but I couldn't.  I'm in tears as you share these heartbreaking times, but also warmed by the friends, family and community surrounding you.  It was so special to read of the support and love that everyone has for your family....for Ty.  I felt the perfect love that you & Jay have in making everything as perfect as possible - down to dying the shirt and socks the right shade of orange.  It's not even so much what he is wearing....but the LOVE that was poured in to every single detail.  I think that is what I pull most from this - you were struggling for life, taking things a moment as they come - yet, the love and determination came through to make everything as perfect as possible for Ty.  You were still taking care of your baby.  ♥  No parent should have to do this.  Sending you hugs from Michigan!
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
I am catching up....you've been on my heart a lot over the last couple weeks.  I've read the entries I've missed and am in tears considering what you went through.  Ty was always surrounded by so much love.  It's only natural to look back and see things you would have wanted to do differently...yet, you were living with hope for another "tomorrow" each and every day, and tried your best to keep things comfortable, active and normal for your family.  I think Ty had to love that, as well as love attending school and taking part of the things that he saw Nate do.  My heart breaks for the loss of Ty, yet I know he will always be held close - loved & remembered.  I hope Nate had a great birthday...I know you are so proud of him.  He's a great big brother!  Your family continues to be in my prayers...thank you for sharing Ty.  ♥ 
Alanna Mlakar
Alanna Mlakar
This last entry was almost as heartbreaking to read as it was to be living along side you through it. Please don't have any regrets about not eating with Ty...hearing this kills me because I WITNESSED you DO SO much more for Ty than "missing" one stinkin' meal could ever negate. I know it doesn't and won't feel that way...but, I need to tell you it anyhow. The amount of things you DID for Ty and CONTINUE to do for Ty mean so much more than one meal ever could. He knew this, and continues to watch over you and see this daily. I know this for a fact. I know regrets are hard to live with...I have many huge regrets about how I handled my grief of Ty passing and my distancing myself from you in your grief. Regret sucks and stays with you always but we need to grasp onto the things that we don't regret and cherish them. Speaking of cherishing...in Ty's last day remember he aroused just a little bit when baby Lily and I came to visit? It wasn't much, but he woke up. That memory is a very sad one to me but also a cherished one. I knew how much he loved Lily but that was a sign to me that I knew he would always love and watch over her. One day, when she is old enough to understand, I will tell her this story and I know it will mean so much to her. She already loves looking at the pictures of Ty holding her and hearing how he loved her. She may not "remember" him but she definitely KNOWS him. He will carry on with so many and you had so much to do with it... You were very lucky to have him, but Ty was equally lucky to have you for a mother. <3
laura engler
LE
I keep forgetting to proofread my words...but I meant to say that I was directed to read what you wrote.... there are some things that no one could know that mean alot.  
Anyway, sorry to intrude, but I will always appreciate what you have shared, for more reasons than you know.  
laura engler
LE
There are many things that you have so bravely shared that I will eventually e-mail you about.  The name of your baby...the name of my baby and the last music box in the store are something I can't quite understand or describe. So for now...I will be quietly grateful for the messages your son has sent, and I was surely meant read this.   
laura engler
LE
You, Meg and Jay...did a really good job taking care of your beautiful son, and your other children, too.  You worked so hard...and thought of him and his needs first in every way.  I am proud to be allowed hear your story, proud of him and his spirit, (and your other kids and family and friends). You could not have done this time of your lives any better than you did.  You are admirable in every way as a family and as amazing people that I am grateful to know about.  Thank you for sharing this all.  It helps us to feel less isolated and alone in our own world.

Laura Engler (and family).
Alanna Mlakar
Alanna Mlakar
Today was too much...just too much for me. You have no idea the weight all of the things in your most recent post have had on my heart over the years. Obviously, with Micah and Nate being as close as they are I witnessed so much of this with Nate. I hope that in some ways Micah, Aaron and I did some things "right" in helping Nate to get away from things that bothered him at home, in distracting him, in offering him a "safe place" and some extra ears to listen to him and friends to lean on, but I can't help but think how unaware we were of what the correct ways to help were and I feel tremendous guilt and regret over what we would've, should've, could've done differently. Thank you for writing this, I hope it helps someone else to cope with being close to a sibling of a cancer patient in much more productive ways than we had. As you always say, hindsight is 20/20....but that still doesn't make it easier. Love u.
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
It warmed my heart to read about how you treated this Tyler, I'm sure it would make your own Tyler so happy! I'm so sorry for the unexpected times and ways that this grief hits. There are so many "what if's" and "should've been's" for Tyler. I pray for you and your family and know Tyler is missed. Wishing you all a Thanksgiving filled with a special sort of peace and lots of love!! Hugs from Michigan!
laura engler
Laura Engler
There is so much that I want to say to you, but for now...I just can't put the words together.  I am very proud to be allowed to hear you...I am very proud and grateful to be allowed to know about Ty, and I thank you for sharing your very private and personal thoughts.  You are brave and articulate and strong and loving - (beyond what most anyone I ever have known is).

Thank you, and love to you and your beautiful family.

Laura Engler 
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
I am catching up....you've been on my heart a lot over the last couple weeks.  I've read the entries I've missed and am in tears considering what you went through.  Ty was always surrounded by so much love.  It's only natural to look back and see things you would have wanted to do differently...yet, you were living with hope for another "tomorrow" each and every day, and tried your best to keep things comfortable, active and normal for your family.  I think Ty had to love that, as well as love attending school and taking part of the things that he saw Nate do.  My heart breaks for the loss of Ty, yet I know he will always be held close - loved & remembered.  I hope Nate had a great birthday...I know you are so proud of him.  He's a great big brother!  Your family continues to be in my prayers...thank you for sharing Ty.  ♥ 
Alanna Mlakar
Alanna Mlakar
This last entry was almost as heartbreaking to read as it was to be living along side you through it. Please don't have any regrets about not eating with Ty...hearing this kills me because I WITNESSED you DO SO much more for Ty than "missing" one stinkin' meal could ever negate. I know it doesn't and won't feel that way...but, I need to tell you it anyhow. The amount of things you DID for Ty and CONTINUE to do for Ty mean so much more than one meal ever could. He knew this, and continues to watch over you and see this daily. I know this for a fact. I know regrets are hard to live with...I have many huge regrets about how I handled my grief of Ty passing and my distancing myself from you in your grief. Regret sucks and stays with you always but we need to grasp onto the things that we don't regret and cherish them. Speaking of cherishing...in Ty's last day remember he aroused just a little bit when baby Lily and I came to visit? It wasn't much, but he woke up. That memory is a very sad one to me but also a cherished one. I knew how much he loved Lily but that was a sign to me that I knew he would always love and watch over her. One day, when she is old enough to understand, I will tell her this story and I know it will mean so much to her. She already loves looking at the pictures of Ty holding her and hearing how he loved her. She may not "remember" him but she definitely KNOWS him. He will carry on with so many and you had so much to do with it... You were very lucky to have him, but Ty was equally lucky to have you for a mother. <3
laura engler
LE
There are many things that you have so bravely shared that I will eventually e-mail you about.  The name of your baby...the name of my baby and the last music box in the store are something I can't quite understand or describe. So for now...I will be quietly grateful for the messages your son has sent, and I was surely meant read this.   
laura engler
LE
You, Meg and Jay...did a really good job taking care of your beautiful son, and your other children, too.  You worked so hard...and thought of him and his needs first in every way.  I am proud to be allowed hear your story, proud of him and his spirit, (and your other kids and family and friends). You could not have done this time of your lives any better than you did.  You are admirable in every way as a family and as amazing people that I am grateful to know about.  Thank you for sharing this all.  It helps us to feel less isolated and alone in our own world.

Laura Engler (and family).
laura engler
Laura Engler
I know very much how you feel.  I live this way, and know now that I always will. I thought of you and your son when the tree near my house turned orange at the same time as then in your year.  The holidays are hard.. I never am not thinking of all the stuff we are missing...but at the holidays I feel like I am the only one who is truly marking this perspective in my own life and family.  I am sorry for those moments that no one but you really sees...(looking at my nephew who is sort of alot like my son is my own personal pain...and I am alone when observing this...if I talk about it...I do feel even more alone).
This is hard...it always will be, no matter how well we can be spiritual...we still have that physical absence that hurts so much. 
Well, I am here listening and I understand.  You are doing great job of this...I am probably doing this too, but it doesn't ever get easier, really. 
I guess we are lucky that we have been so blessed, and also that we are not alone in this...but it is still so hard to be the mom of a true saint (which is what I believe we are). 
  
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
You and your family have been heavy on my heart this week.  I wanted to get online to sign on Ty's Angel-versary, but the day didn't go quite as planned.  I hope that difficult day was filled with much comfort. 

I love your Thankful post....all the sweet blessings that you choose to reflect on, obviously even the every day things are held dear.  ♥  I hope the holiday season is as gentle on your heart as possible.  I hope it's filled with more happy memories, as you celebrate and treasure this time together...as you carry Ty and your memories of all he enjoyed throughout.  I know he continues to be a special part of all you do.  My thoughts and prayers are with you! 

ps - I'm incredibly hungry for some mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, desserts and Dr. Pepper now!  :)  Ty had great taste! 
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
It is such a blessing to read more about Ty, and the wisdom you're able to share as you continue to survive this heartbreaking experience.  You know how proud you are of Ty for his strength and bravery (of course you are, we all are!)...I know Ty has to be proud of you, too.  I can envision him shouting in Heaving "Hey, look!  That's MY mom!!". 

I love the poem "The Cord", and truly believe the love shared between you two will always keep you connected in a very special way.  I'm not sure if you ever saw this article, but I thought it was pretty cool.  http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/ 

I am grateful that you took the time to share Ty's story and all that it entailed - the impact it had on you, personally, and what you noticed in your own family.  I pray that your family will always be given a special sort of peace, many sweet signs from above and much happiness.  Your beautiful Ty will forever be loved and remembered.  ♥ 
jennifer rocco
Jen Rocco
Thank you for sharing your story. It surely tugged at my heart. Sal adored Ty. When we visit family at the cemetery, he always asks to stop and visit Ty. To this day, he still finds Ty's headstone, as the car is moving, driving down Hummel Road. God Bless you and your family.
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
I knew the point of the story where you left off, and that the continuation would pull at my emotions....I should have waited until I was off work, but I couldn't.  I'm in tears as you share these heartbreaking times, but also warmed by the friends, family and community surrounding you.  It was so special to read of the support and love that everyone has for your family....for Ty.  I felt the perfect love that you & Jay have in making everything as perfect as possible - down to dying the shirt and socks the right shade of orange.  It's not even so much what he is wearing....but the LOVE that was poured in to every single detail.  I think that is what I pull most from this - you were struggling for life, taking things a moment as they come - yet, the love and determination came through to make everything as perfect as possible for Ty.  You were still taking care of your baby.  ♥  No parent should have to do this.  Sending you hugs from Michigan!
laura engler
LE
I keep forgetting to proofread my words...but I meant to say that I was directed to read what you wrote.... there are some things that no one could know that mean alot.  
Anyway, sorry to intrude, but I will always appreciate what you have shared, for more reasons than you know.  
Alanna Mlakar
Alanna Mlakar
Today was too much...just too much for me. You have no idea the weight all of the things in your most recent post have had on my heart over the years. Obviously, with Micah and Nate being as close as they are I witnessed so much of this with Nate. I hope that in some ways Micah, Aaron and I did some things "right" in helping Nate to get away from things that bothered him at home, in distracting him, in offering him a "safe place" and some extra ears to listen to him and friends to lean on, but I can't help but think how unaware we were of what the correct ways to help were and I feel tremendous guilt and regret over what we would've, should've, could've done differently. Thank you for writing this, I hope it helps someone else to cope with being close to a sibling of a cancer patient in much more productive ways than we had. As you always say, hindsight is 20/20....but that still doesn't make it easier. Love u.
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
You and your family have been heavy on my heart this week.  I wanted to get online to sign on Ty's Angel-versary, but the day didn't go quite as planned.  I hope that difficult day was filled with much comfort. 

I love your Thankful post....all the sweet blessings that you choose to reflect on, obviously even the every day things are held dear.  ♥  I hope the holiday season is as gentle on your heart as possible.  I hope it's filled with more happy memories, as you celebrate and treasure this time together...as you carry Ty and your memories of all he enjoyed throughout.  I know he continues to be a special part of all you do.  My thoughts and prayers are with you! 

ps - I'm incredibly hungry for some mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, desserts and Dr. Pepper now!  :)  Ty had great taste! 
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
I knew the point of the story where you left off, and that the continuation would pull at my emotions....I should have waited until I was off work, but I couldn't.  I'm in tears as you share these heartbreaking times, but also warmed by the friends, family and community surrounding you.  It was so special to read of the support and love that everyone has for your family....for Ty.  I felt the perfect love that you & Jay have in making everything as perfect as possible - down to dying the shirt and socks the right shade of orange.  It's not even so much what he is wearing....but the LOVE that was poured in to every single detail.  I think that is what I pull most from this - you were struggling for life, taking things a moment as they come - yet, the love and determination came through to make everything as perfect as possible for Ty.  You were still taking care of your baby.  ♥  No parent should have to do this.  Sending you hugs from Michigan!
Alanna Mlakar
Alanna Mlakar
This last entry was almost as heartbreaking to read as it was to be living along side you through it. Please don't have any regrets about not eating with Ty...hearing this kills me because I WITNESSED you DO SO much more for Ty than "missing" one stinkin' meal could ever negate. I know it doesn't and won't feel that way...but, I need to tell you it anyhow. The amount of things you DID for Ty and CONTINUE to do for Ty mean so much more than one meal ever could. He knew this, and continues to watch over you and see this daily. I know this for a fact. I know regrets are hard to live with...I have many huge regrets about how I handled my grief of Ty passing and my distancing myself from you in your grief. Regret sucks and stays with you always but we need to grasp onto the things that we don't regret and cherish them. Speaking of cherishing...in Ty's last day remember he aroused just a little bit when baby Lily and I came to visit? It wasn't much, but he woke up. That memory is a very sad one to me but also a cherished one. I knew how much he loved Lily but that was a sign to me that I knew he would always love and watch over her. One day, when she is old enough to understand, I will tell her this story and I know it will mean so much to her. She already loves looking at the pictures of Ty holding her and hearing how he loved her. She may not "remember" him but she definitely KNOWS him. He will carry on with so many and you had so much to do with it... You were very lucky to have him, but Ty was equally lucky to have you for a mother. <3
laura engler
Laura Engler
I know very much how you feel.  I live this way, and know now that I always will. I thought of you and your son when the tree near my house turned orange at the same time as then in your year.  The holidays are hard.. I never am not thinking of all the stuff we are missing...but at the holidays I feel like I am the only one who is truly marking this perspective in my own life and family.  I am sorry for those moments that no one but you really sees...(looking at my nephew who is sort of alot like my son is my own personal pain...and I am alone when observing this...if I talk about it...I do feel even more alone).
This is hard...it always will be, no matter how well we can be spiritual...we still have that physical absence that hurts so much. 
Well, I am here listening and I understand.  You are doing great job of this...I am probably doing this too, but it doesn't ever get easier, really. 
I guess we are lucky that we have been so blessed, and also that we are not alone in this...but it is still so hard to be the mom of a true saint (which is what I believe we are). 
  
laura engler
Laura Engler
There is so much that I want to say to you, but for now...I just can't put the words together.  I am very proud to be allowed to hear you...I am very proud and grateful to be allowed to know about Ty, and I thank you for sharing your very private and personal thoughts.  You are brave and articulate and strong and loving - (beyond what most anyone I ever have known is).

Thank you, and love to you and your beautiful family.

Laura Engler 
jennifer rocco
Jen Rocco
Thank you for sharing your story. It surely tugged at my heart. Sal adored Ty. When we visit family at the cemetery, he always asks to stop and visit Ty. To this day, he still finds Ty's headstone, as the car is moving, driving down Hummel Road. God Bless you and your family.
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
I am catching up....you've been on my heart a lot over the last couple weeks.  I've read the entries I've missed and am in tears considering what you went through.  Ty was always surrounded by so much love.  It's only natural to look back and see things you would have wanted to do differently...yet, you were living with hope for another "tomorrow" each and every day, and tried your best to keep things comfortable, active and normal for your family.  I think Ty had to love that, as well as love attending school and taking part of the things that he saw Nate do.  My heart breaks for the loss of Ty, yet I know he will always be held close - loved & remembered.  I hope Nate had a great birthday...I know you are so proud of him.  He's a great big brother!  Your family continues to be in my prayers...thank you for sharing Ty.  ♥ 
laura engler
LE
I keep forgetting to proofread my words...but I meant to say that I was directed to read what you wrote.... there are some things that no one could know that mean alot.  
Anyway, sorry to intrude, but I will always appreciate what you have shared, for more reasons than you know.  
laura engler
LE
You, Meg and Jay...did a really good job taking care of your beautiful son, and your other children, too.  You worked so hard...and thought of him and his needs first in every way.  I am proud to be allowed hear your story, proud of him and his spirit, (and your other kids and family and friends). You could not have done this time of your lives any better than you did.  You are admirable in every way as a family and as amazing people that I am grateful to know about.  Thank you for sharing this all.  It helps us to feel less isolated and alone in our own world.

Laura Engler (and family).
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
It warmed my heart to read about how you treated this Tyler, I'm sure it would make your own Tyler so happy! I'm so sorry for the unexpected times and ways that this grief hits. There are so many "what if's" and "should've been's" for Tyler. I pray for you and your family and know Tyler is missed. Wishing you all a Thanksgiving filled with a special sort of peace and lots of love!! Hugs from Michigan!
Kim Vaughn
Kim Vaughn
It is such a blessing to read more about Ty, and the wisdom you're able to share as you continue to survive this heartbreaking experience.  You know how proud you are of Ty for his strength and bravery (of course you are, we all are!)...I know Ty has to be proud of you, too.  I can envision him shouting in Heaving "Hey, look!  That's MY mom!!". 

I love the poem "The Cord", and truly believe the love shared between you two will always keep you connected in a very special way.  I'm not sure if you ever saw this article, but I thought it was pretty cool.  http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/ 

I am grateful that you took the time to share Ty's story and all that it entailed - the impact it had on you, personally, and what you noticed in your own family.  I pray that your family will always be given a special sort of peace, many sweet signs from above and much happiness.  Your beautiful Ty will forever be loved and remembered.  ♥ 
laura engler
LE
There are many things that you have so bravely shared that I will eventually e-mail you about.  The name of your baby...the name of my baby and the last music box in the store are something I can't quite understand or describe. So for now...I will be quietly grateful for the messages your son has sent, and I was surely meant read this.   
Alanna Mlakar
Alanna Mlakar
Today was too much...just too much for me. You have no idea the weight all of the things in your most recent post have had on my heart over the years. Obviously, with Micah and Nate being as close as they are I witnessed so much of this with Nate. I hope that in some ways Micah, Aaron and I did some things "right" in helping Nate to get away from things that bothered him at home, in distracting him, in offering him a "safe place" and some extra ears to listen to him and friends to lean on, but I can't help but think how unaware we were of what the correct ways to help were and I feel tremendous guilt and regret over what we would've, should've, could've done differently. Thank you for writing this, I hope it helps someone else to cope with being close to a sibling of a cancer patient in much more productive ways than we had. As you always say, hindsight is 20/20....but that still doesn't make it easier. Love u.