Yes, it seems like yesterday Jay and I were discussing with the doctors that one of the last two things on Trey's bucket list was to celebrate his 16th birthday. As sad as I may be that he is not here, I am glad he is with our Lord in heaven on his earthly birthday. I do not think his birthday would have been filled with everything he would have wanted it to be with the kind of pain he was experiencing. God knows best - then comes mom.
We returned from Disney on Saturday. If you have ever been to Disney, you know you need a vacation from Disney. It was hot, fun, exhausting, all rolled up in one. We'll see Mickey again one day. There are many people to thank that made the Disney trip happen. We just can't thank them enough. I plan trips 6 months to a year in advance and this went down in less than two weeks. It can be done!
The last couple of days have been very hard on Jay and me. Things are slowly changing around the house and it is a little more of reality that Trey is not here with us. Our heart aches, literally. And when you say you can't imagine what we are feeling, I have to be honest and tell you, unless you have lost a child, no, you cannot imagine what we are feeling. The least little thing makes me cry and Jay is very quiet. When Jay and I came back from Disney, Trey's room had been painted by our instruction (Collierville Dragon colors by COLLIN'S instruction). It was a shock to come in an find clean walls, things moved, and no sense of Trey. Jay, Collin and I were upset. But it was an "upset" that we knew would happen one day. My two friends, Hollee and Cindy helped move Trey's things out of his room while we were gone. I'm thankful they did this for me Like Hollee told me yesterday, "I was not even his mom and it upset me to be moving his things." But you know what I thought today, I am so proud that I can allow people in to move things out of my son's room and not be ashamed of what is in there. Okay, so he had an overabundance of Polo attire ;o) - we all have our vices.
Sunday we studied about prayer in Ephesians. This is one thing that I learned was very important during Trey's illness was praying without ceasing. This does not mean you have to stop in your tracks, close your eyes, fold your hand and bow your head. This means that you have a constant, open communication with our Lord. This is what is getting me through these days. Through my tears just crying out to our Lord that I cannot take this emptiness and pain. He knows this and will comfort me by Jay being there, a friend's text, phone call, Collin running in, or one of the dogs just being a dog. At this point, you don't have the energy to look for comfort, but prayer is the ultimate comfort from our Lord.
We knew we would face grief and Trey was so worried about this and how we would handle the situation. He was very afraid that we would be angry and we discussed this. He did not want us angry with God over anything that had happened. I promised him and told him that he should know that we were in no way angry with the Lord for choosing this path for our family. We will continue to bring glory to God and carry out Trey's legacy through his testimony. Trey's life had a purpose and we believe that purpose is not yet finished.
I am not sure how much I will post on CaringBridge after today. Tomorrow I will being posting on www.livingthelifeofchrist.wordpress.com . This is where I will blog/journal about our new normal. So, if you want to keep up with the Erwin family, please check there tomorrow for my first entry on Trey's birthday.
We are so thankful for the cards, letters, food, but most of all prayers that have been sent our way. We have been so blessed during our journey. I can tell you that I have many plans for this journal. I don't know if it will ever get anywhere, but I'm going to try. There are many things that God is speaking into our lives right now that are a little different. We appreciate your prayers on that front.
OH, I heard a rumor! I DO NOT HAVE CANCER! You would have been the first to know so you could pray. I really had to laugh when I heard that because I thought, Lord, you really wouldn't do that, would you?
Praying for my Varsity Dragons who took the field in pads today for practice and for Collin who began 7th grade football Dragon practice.
Tailgate for the Cure is selling new shirts to benefit St. Jude. Please check these new shirts out for Trey at www.tailgate4thecure.org They go on sale tomorrow!
If there is any consolation for us on earth, it is that Trey is bowing at the feet of Jesus. Today, we have that choice to make so that on that day we will too be bowing at the feet of Jesus. Make no mistake, that day is coming soon. As underlined in Trey's bible: Romans 8:9-12
"You, however, as controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."
At the Cross by Hillsong United
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