It has been 8 days and 26 minutes since I lost my little girl and I sit here for the umpteenth time today crying.  It has been excruciatingly difficult to say the least.  This will be my last post and although I knew this day would eventually come, one never hopes or prays for it.  I am so thankful and grateful for the memories we have and so honored to have been her parents.  She has impacted so many lives in so many different ways and everyone is feeling the sadness and hurt from our loss.  As parents, husband and in laws, that sadness, loneliness and lost feeling is exacerbated by about 1,000 times.  We are all grieving in our own ways and on our own time and I need to thank EVERYONE now, in the past and on in the future for EVERYTHING you have done for our family and for Tiffany.  Thank you doesn't seem adequate but please know that we ALL appreciate your kindness, love and generosity!  We all need some time to process our loss and try to find a new normal without Tiffany in our world or in our lives but never forgetting that she will always be and stay in our memories and our heart.  If you ask any of us how we are, you will most likely get a response of "Fine" or "Ok" but please know that we are not fine or ok, we may just not want to talk about it at this time.  Thank you all for your kind words, the plethora of cards, flowers, food and gifts.  Each one means a lot to us.  I have included the eulogy I wrote for Tiffany from Brad and I that my cousin, Brad, read at the funeral.  I am so sincerely thankful that he volunteered to read it as coming from his mouth, the words meant so much more.  Thank you to our families and the countless friends that have been such support through the last 10 years and especially the past 3 weeks.  We could not have done this all without you!!  RIP my beautiful, little Tiffer.

Tiffany was born a fighter, spending 10 days in NICU as a newborn. Who could have imagined that that same will and determination would be her strength as she fought years of cancer as a young adult. Tiffany was blessed with many things including her natural beauty, great smile, contagious laugh, kindness and her never-ending sense of humor (which we are proud to say was inherited from Traci's father). She had an eye for decorating & creativity and made their home a very warm and inviting place to be. And yet, she was cursed with 10 years of fighting metastatic breast cancer. As a child, Tiffany was such a great kid. Don't get me wrong – she was not perfect but we are so thankful that she did well in school, was kind and had tons of friends. Tiffany made the honor roll consistently in high school and the dean's list in college and received several awards in her scholarly career. We are the proudest parents on earth for those accomplishments. After college, Tiffany scored a job at Lancaster County 911 and was so excited to have a full time, decent paying job. She trained with Woody Woodward who at the time of her employment was fighting his own battle with cancer. Tiffany and Woody hit it off and Tiffany made quick friends with everyone there. It was just a few months into her employment that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was surrounded by the most supportive people ever and we were unaware at that time how valuable their support would be until years into her disease when we experienced yet more of the same valuable support from our friends, family members and even strangers. Tiffany had to leave 911 but always remained friends with Woody until his death a few years ago. Those 2 were cancer buddies from the start and I am glad she had someone like him to coach her through some tough moments. In the past 10 years since Tiffany's diagnosis, she got married to the love of her life (Zach), adopted 2 lovable and adorable fur babies (Hank & Merle), had numerous surgeries and countless treatments. Through it all, she never complained, felt sorry for herself or retreated from society. She dealt the blows with humor and laughter. Captain Morgan supplies increased and decreased at local liquor stores depending on her current health status and she even once swore that the good Captain helped to put her in the short remission she experienced. That was her crazy sense of humor. Tiffany could make anyone laugh and most of the time, she wasn't even trying – it just came out of her mouth in a way that was funny. She was always like that so sometimes you were not sure whether she was trying to be funny or trying to be serious so you weren't sure how to react (with laughter or a straight face). For example, she would tell people all the time “Be careful what you wish for, I wished for bigger boobs and look what happened to me.”

As a child, Tiffany was creative in ways that sometimes scared us. One time as a small child , she was playing with a craft set that contained pretty, plastic, colorful beads. Beads about the size of her then petite nostril. She proceeded to stick that bead up her nose just to see if it would fit. It did and then it got stuck. As she walked downstairs in tears to tell us what she did, Brad and I almost panicked as we weren't sure what to do. After trying with tweezers to dislodge the thing, Brad said to Tiffany . . . “Tiffany, just blow real hard out your nose.” Tiffany did just that and the bead flew across the room. Needless to say, Tiffany was schooled on not sticking anything up her nose, in her ears or in her mouth that doesn't belong there. Scary at the time, funny now. Another time, Tiffany was probably 5 or 6 and she was playing hide & seek in the backyard with the neighbor kids. Brad was working in the garage outside and I was inside making dinner while watching through the window in the kitchen. The one time I looked out of the kitchen and I saw Tiffany popping up out of the 55 gallon burn barrel we had on cinder blocks in the backyard. I was horrified to see this and ran out to tell Brad what I saw. He walked down to the burn barrel and helped her out of it. As I watched from the kitchen window, Tiffany is standing with her hands clasped in front of her and Brad on his knees talking to her. Shortly after, Brad came back up to the house and informed me what he told her and this is how the conversation went. “Tiffany, you cannot hide in the burn barrel because it is not safe and it could have been hot and you could have gotten seriously hurt. Do NOT hide in the burn barrel again!” Tiffany understood and told him she wouldn't do it again. Then Brad said, “But they couldn’t find you could they, so I guess it was a good hiding place. But do not ever do that again.” Again, not funny at the time but hilarious now.

One more funny story. When Tiffany was having one of her numerous tests – a bone scan – Brad had the day off and said he would drive her to testing since he had some things in his truck to drop off at the recycling station. It was a good day for Brad and Tif to spend some quality time together so Brad drove her to the health campus, she got her radioactive injection and then they proceeded to the recycling center since Tif had to wait for the tracer to circulate through her body for about 2 hours. They drove into the building to drop off some old equipment and as soon as Brad opened his door the alarms started to go off. Everyone stopped what they were doing and started to question Brad about what equipment he had and was dropping off. Brad was so confused because it was just everyday junk that we needed to get rid of and there was nothing unusual in the small pile he had. A woman had asked him if there was anything radioactive in the pile and, of course, he said “no”. They spent quite a while questioning him and trying to figure out why the alarms were going off. This is the lightbulb moment --- Brad opened his door and asked Tiffany if they injected her with something and what it was. Tiffany started laughing and said, “OMG, yes, they injected me with radioactive dye.” Of course, Brad started to laugh and then had to explain to the woman about Tiffany's situation and the injection she had just received. A very tense moment that ended in laughter for everyone.

These are the moments that will always be with us and that we will cherish for the rest of our lives.

Brad and I have been blessed to have had 31 years with our one and only Tiffany. And even though that time has been cut short, the time together as a family is immeasurable. As all families experience their good times and bad, we have embraced both as a learning experience in dealing with the lives we have been given. There are so many good times such as family vacations, birthdays, high school and college graduations, family picnics and so much more. A few more memorable than others such as Tiffany only wanting to eat pickles and olives for her first birthday party which she was more than willing to share with Uncle Denny.

Since Zach and Tiffany have been together, they have been lucky to be surrounded and supported by their hundreds of friends and family members and each one is a gift to them as well as to us. Brad and I have personally witnessed the love and compassion shown towards both Zach and Tif. From the cards, meals, gifts and visits to the fundraisers in every way, shape and form to help with medical and personal bills.

And sprinkled in between those good times were bad times and some of them just devastating. There were some big losses for Tiffany. Losses of grandparents, great grandparents, an uncle, 3 best friends and Tiffany’s beloved Toby. Along with those losses were Tiffany’s personal losses that came with her diagnosis. She had to quit her 911 job in order to undergo a mastectomy, treatment and reconstruction. After a few months of recovery, she was pounding the pavement looking for another job and she found her place in the banking world starting as a teller at one institution and rising to a banker at another institution. This while, battling metastatic breast cancer throughout her body in her bones and soft tissue. Tiffany loved her customers and stated so many times how she enjoyed greeting them and helping them. Tiffany fought through her countless surgeries and treatments while working continuously that past 8 years until it became too difficult to just get herself out of bed in the morning let alone dressing and driving to work. She was dedicated to her job, the people she worked with and the people she met along the way. As most of you know, there is no happy medium between radical cancer treatment and quality of life. Tiffany had her choices and knew what each one held – she picked quality of life. She finally put herself first to concentrate on her treatments and quality of life when she had to take short & long term disability.

Tiffany was a unique individual who laughed much and loved more. She had the gift of making others laugh and making them feel good to be in her presence. She lit up a room when she entered and continued the fun while in the midst of friends and family. In remembrance of Traci's parents, Traci always told her that she was such a great mix of both of her parents who are not with us anymore. Her father was intelligent and provided the humor and her mom was a beautiful woman and a talented artist. Tiffany could make you laugh without even trying and she had mad creative decorating skills.

Through the caringbridge blog, Traci tried to update those who wanted to follow Tiffany’s struggles and successes, the good moments and the bad moments, the times she made me cry and the times she made me laugh. Tiffany never wanted to talk about her cancer or herself to anyone because she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her but she did let me share most moments with the public. Regardless of the moments, Brad and I could not have been more proud of Tiffany’s strength, courage and grace through it all. There were some raw moments that I shared and some that Tiffany begged me not to share and we worked through it privately as a family. Tiffany never complained to others of the excruciating pain and she always had a smile to share with those who would ask how she was while telling them she was “good”. She was and will always be my hero and she was an inspiration for so many near and far who experienced a similar situation and those who just admired her for her continued strength and integrity while dealing with the knowns and unknowns of cancer.

Mama Bear says: I have lost my best friend, my daughter, my confidante and my reason to laugh. I will miss you always and with your loss, I have lost yet another big piece of my heart. I know that you will rock heaven with your fun ways and unassuming humor. In allowing me to share your journey, you have left a legacy of inspiration for people around the world. You have always been and will continue to be my hero and my inspiration. I look forward to the day that I can be with you again and wrap my arms around you and tell you how much I miss and love you. Love you to the moon and back! Papa Bear says: You will be missed so much! Love you more than anything! From us both: We will miss the beauty of your smile and your infectious laugh. The way you always had to look your best even on your worst of days. The smell of your freshly shampooed hair. Hugging your fragile little body and wishing we could squeeze you harder and holder you closer. Always saying “I love you” before hanging up the phone or parting ways. The way people looked at you with admiration and love. The way you always made us feel like not only good parents but your best friends. Laughing with you and sharing thoughts about life, love and friendship. Your calls for grilling or cooking advice. Taking care of you in good times and bad. And even though our heads tell us you're gone, our hearts will miss every single thing about you each and every day!

She would not want us to be sad for her or pity her and she joked about such things. But I know that is unrealistic and I have told her so. Keep her in your heart, laugh when you can, smile when you think of her, and cry when you must. But live and enjoy your life as she did – like each day is your last. Forever in our hearts, always our inspiration.