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Endlessly paranoid

     Just got a call from the Make-a-Wish people! We're leaving in just over two weeks! So exciting! I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say about that soon.

Jameson had a tiny bump on the bottom of his foot.  Probably a splinter, possibly a wart.  It had been there for months and now it was starting to bother him.  But lately also, I noticed his rib cage was wonky.  The last rib protruded a bit.  Not like it was broken, but more like extra bone was growing.  Or cancer.  It's probably cancer.  Here we go again. It's probably bone cancer with a splash of anthrax that can only be cured with a rare mixture of plutonium and unobtainium which will cost us another 8 skillion dollars - **STOP!!!**

...and that's how I fall off the edge of reason with all medical issues these days.  A playground accident became cancer.  Austin's sore throat evolved to a kidney infection and blood in the urine.  So Heather from 2012 used to say, "Let's look on the bright side! It's probably not that bad."  2013 Heather says, "Let's get ahead of this.  What's the absolute worst case I could prepare for - excluding death and aliens."  Actually, I'll allow aliens over death.  Death isn't an option. 

So now I walk into the doctor's office just about once a week.  I DO have four kids.  It's NOT impossible to have medical issues once a week. Don't judge me. The nurse and the doctor smirk at us.  I'm ok with the smirks.  I've been to worse-case-scenario land.  

The doctor looks at Jameson's ribs and announces to no one in particular, "Some babies have asymmetrical ribs and it just happens and they're perfectly fine."  That's what I was hoping for.  I'd told Kelly on the way over that what I wanted to hear was, "I've seen this lots of times before and it's nothing."  In fact, that's what I want to hear about everything from now on.  Forever.  Luckily, that's basically what he said.  Kelly asks what we should do to check for Wilm's on Jameson going forward.  Doc smiles - almost proudly, weirdly - and says, "Every doctor has ONE Wilm's in their entire career.  Max was mine.  Jameson is not going to get Wilm's." (Note to self: this doctor is NOT Irish as he did not even try to knock wood.  **knock, Knock, KNOCK**)  But the way he said it was with a kind of proud reverence.  Like Max is special.  Max is his ONE.

Kelly and I both visibly exhaled and relaxed a bit.  I said, "Well ok.  As long as you understand that we are sufficiently traumatized and we'll be panicking a lot in the future so be patient with us."  He grinned and said, "Every lump, bump and non-specific rash.. not a problem."  I'm so grateful for this doctor.  I'm grateful for his patience.  I'm grateful that he doesn't waste time mincing words. I'm grateful that he knows the names of all four kids and remembers us as though we're special.  But mostly I'm grateful that he's letting me cope with my fear without being dismissive or judgy.

We still have that CT scan to do this month.  I should call about it, but I'm dreading it sooooooooooo much.   I'm finding a LOT of other things to do to keep me busy rather than call.  I've organized pasta to avoid that call.  I've alphabetized all our DVDs to avoid the call.  I've baked literally hundreds of cookies and re-organized all our medicine because THAT'S clearly more critical that calling about that CT scan.  I'll do it.  


Today though I had to design some sweatshirts to wear at Disney.  They're pretty much the same as the T-shirts, except this isn't a fundraiser and instead of "Team Max" in the pocket area, it's a "No cancer" sign.  A lot of people didn't realize there was only two weeks to order the t-shirts and asked if they could get one.  I'm making the first bulk order this Saturday the 9th. After that I can order in groups of 6 or more.  A group of 12 drops the price a bit to $33 so if you want one, email me at  It'll keep me busy so I can procrastinate some more. :)

Keep Max and all of us in your prayers.  There's some emotional fallout post-chemo in the family and we could use some good thoughts our way.  

All our love and appreciation!

Heather, Kelly, Max, Jameson Duke, Alex and Austin