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Latest Journal Update
As I have observed Steven learning to maneuver through his daily routine using his left hand while his right hand & arm are in a cast my automatic instinct is to run to his rescue! How many times have you felt this way about your children? I know in my head that doing things for him defeats the purpose, but my heart has a hard time following. Every day Carlan and I have to re-learn lessons associated with Steven living with TBI. We have to remind ourselves that TBI is a silent life long disease. We can't do what Moms want to do...kiss it and make it go away. The same is true every day of my life when I think about Aaron. I wish every day that I could have been there that evening to rescue our children. We have learned that analyzing every detail of the accident is normal but the reality is even if we knew every finite detail, it would not bring Aaron back. Right along with attempting to learn the ends and outs of TBI we are still navigating the tumultuous waters of grief. We are finding out that delayed grief coupled with double trauma equals very complex, but the Author of our journey is the master at conquering the complex! I read this today in my devotion time....it was a very timely reminder (a wow moment): Dedicated faith doesn’t protect us from painful experiences like these and many other forms of suffering—but God’s powerful promise is that he is with us through and amid the torrent!
Steven has therapy through Thursday of this week, he is off on Friday to attend a conference with his Dad. He will finish up on Tuesday of next week. We're not sure what's next, but I am confident this isn't it! Another positive is now that Steven is connected with the Research Center they will stay in touch with Steven about future studies and treatment options. We are encouraged about future opportunities.
Steven has become reacquainted with the Young Adult Brain Injury support group. We're proud of him for getting involved, he is such an inspiration. We as a family are planning on getting re-connected with the local Brain Injury support group. Steven lined up a speaker for the April meeting...yep, that's our boy! He also talked to his therapists about the possibility of Dr. DeLuca speaking to the group. She would be an awesome encouragement! We're counting on our schedule to slow down enough to allow us to get involved in not only the local chapter, but maybe one day at state level as well! I feel like Steven has a lot to offer other survivors. His message is clear, "Never Give Up!"
I have to share about our last visit to Aaron's place. As Carlan & I arrived we couldn't miss the fresh deer prints covering the blanket of snow leading a direct path to Aaron's memory stone. Carlan was all smiles. It was a special God wink moment sent straight to the heart of this Mom and Dad! Special Aaron moments like that seem to always happen in nature....these moments act as salve to our hurting hearts. I'm so thankful for Aaron's love and appreciation of nature and even more thankful that he passed this love down to his parents and brother! Steven is becoming more of a noticer which makes me happy. I always try to point out when he is taking time to notice God's creation. I think he likes being called a noticer because he knows this title makes Aaron smile!
In closing, I share this because maybe someone out there needs the same reminder that I recently received!
Very recently I was faced with a delicate personal "challenge"...I know everyone reading this has faced challenges. This particular time I felt defeated as in "Really God can you give me a break?" I allowed myself some time to sit in the poor pitiful me circle. It didn't take long before I found myself traveling back through our journey remembering how God not only provided daily strength, He ensured that we were never alone. Once I let go of the anger and pity I took time to pray and read. I came across a devotion titled: God wants to know, "How Are You, Really?" The title made me laugh and cry at the same time. How many times have I said, "I'm fine, really!" Yep, say it often enough & no matter what you are going through you will believe you are fine! The devotion was so timely. Indeed He does really want to know! He sees right through our tidy mask! One thing that stood out in the devotion was the fact that it's expected for us to bring our joys along with our sorrows to the Lord. What does it tell God when we do that? It says that we trust Him. Like the psalmist says, “I trust in your unfailing love.” In other words, “No matter what my circumstances are, I believe that you love me. And I will choose to recognize your love in both the hard and happy parts of my life. I know I’m safe with you and I can bring everything about my experience on this earth to you.” God is leaning toward you right now and He’s asking, “How are you, really?” He truly wants to know. And it’s okay to tell Him. All of it!
Thanks for listening...sharing is always good therapy for me. Above all thanks for your encouragement and faithful prayers.