Merry Christmas everyone!
I know it has been a very long time....I look upon it as healing although I am not ready as yet to give up the caringbridge site. I still need to be connected and for many of you this is a good way to do it.
I need to start out by praising God and all of you for your petitions for our peace and joy this holiday season. We have had an extraordinary Christmas celebrating the birth of our Savior. I had some shaky days leading up to Christmas but had decided to just get it out and get it over! Steve would not want us all to be sad and neither did I. I figured if I kept my focus where it belonged, it would keep me out of the pity bag. It was also helpful to reflect on the fact that I was not alone in my suffering. Many people miss Steve besides me. I also spent time remembering all the others that lost loved ones in the last year. There are so many. When you think of how many people are touched by each of those losses it is a bit overwhelming. I pray they all have people such as yourselves to care for them as you have cared for our family. Your continued prayers and God answering those prayers have given us a very enjoyable and thankful Christmas.
On the 23rd I had all the kids and grandkids over. We met at church and started the festivities from there. What a blessing to have a house full of young souls. It was all so laid back and filled with laughter. We all agonized through the Packer game and again later through the Viking game. (I belief this gave some pain relief to the Packer fans) We ate and ate and shared gifts and played games. I had secretly feared that we would all act like there was an elephant in our living room but it was not the case at all. We read scripture and then I read the of the Three Trees for the grandchildren. It was wonderful.
The children all received letters I had put together for them from their dad. When Steve understood that treatment was no long effective and he chose quality over quantity, we spent many hours together talking about the kids. I asked questions and noted his answers for each of the children. I am so happy we took the time to do this so that they have something to reflect on as their lives progress. Hopefully, they heed his words of wisdom and call on him in times of need. I suppose it is common for people to focus on their spiritual life when confronted with the end. Steve talked a lot about his journey with Christ and his wishes for his children.
Christmas Eve was spent at grandmas house. I feared the quiet of that day most of all. I shouldn't have doubted my prayers. There really wasn't any time at all for quiet! Elsa joined us and we were busy, busy until it was time for worship...then we enjoyed a fantastic meal and time with Karen and her family. Christmas Day found Eric with the puke flu which wasn't fun at all but Lucas and I traveled to New Richmond to spend the day with the Emerson anyway. It was great to see all of them and catch up with everything. It seems like yesterday that all the kids were really kids....not young adults.
I have read two books during my break from school. This is quite an accomplishment! I have always been an avid reader but have only been able to finish 2 books until now since Steve's illness. I am elated. There are so many books I want to read! Again, thank you for your prayers for peace and comfort.
I was recounting all the times I have said "I will never be able to thank everyone for all they have done." In the two books I have read I was given these words that have put things in perspective and very important lessons for me to learn.
1) It is selfish to refuse or turn away help from people. God made us in his image....a loving, caring, giving God so why wouldn't people be the same. To turn people away inhibits them from "being" who God wants them to be.
2) THERE IS NO THANKS FOR GRACE- I find these words so profound it renders me speechless. When we think of the ultimate grace....Christ's death for our forgiveness it makes sense that there is no way we could thank him enough. So try as I might, spending a lifetime saying thank you, will fall far short of what you have done.
I pray that your Christmas has been as fulfilling and joyful as ours...and we have the Ingersoll Christmas to go! Let the chaos begin! Love, Ruth
