I kept feeling like yesterday was such a long day. I worked and cleaned and did things all day. Omar went out for coffee with a friend last night. I put in a DVD a CB friend sent to Gavin for Christmas, it is a musical DVD that he loves to watch. As he sat on the floor on his blankets watching the band, I started crying. I cried silently so he wouldn't hear me, silent sobs of grief. As they came I felt as if Shelby had just died all over again. As if I was back to square one and I thought "this pain is not going to end and I cannot stop crying tonight." I truly felt despair in my grief..so sad, so in need of just holding my little girl and kissing her.
I do not know why I did this, but I got up and found my camera, sat down again and took a picture not even of Gavin but of space. As the image appeared on my digital camera I saw Shelby's spirit. Her Orb there right where I took the picture and another Orb on the ceiling. It was like she was standing there in the living room looking at me. I felt such love, such devotion and care coming through to me..she knew I was so broken, so sad.
Suddenly Gavin jumped up and just starting running back and forth, throwing a little blanket in the air..busting out with laughter. Yelling "peek-a-boo" to the air. He was so manic! I kept taking pictures of him and have never seen so many Orbs inside of our house..outside yes, but never like this inside. Photo after photo.
I put my head in my hands crying and asked "What is this? What is going on? What does it mean and what am I suppossed to be doing? I don't understand what is going on."
I read and read. I know that our spirit transcends this world into another. I know that Shelby is here when she wishes to be. I know about the speed of light. I know that our universe keeps expanding, that stars are burned out by the time we are actually seeing them here from earth. All of these great mysteries of the universe..but I am trying to wrap my mind around this great mystery that I am in, that Gavin is experiencing, not through my camera lens..but in real time/real life. I sometimes feel like I am bursting with "AWE." And it all sounds unreal.. but" It" is. "It" is.
Shelby came to us a gift from God, but what was her purpose and why did I get to be her mother? Did she know her fate? Is she here to teach us that heaven does exist? About Love, Faith and Believing?
I believe
As I was playing outside with gavin this morning I remembered writing to Shelby yesterday. A cool chill fell over me. "Y" was circled. Shelby circled it last night, not in the dirt with a stick. She circled "Y" with her presence, bringing along with her many angels.
Angels..
