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I am guessing this is the last....

Oct 4, 2013 7:33am

Thank you, all that were able to come celebrate Saxon on Tuesday with us!  Paul and I were so pleased with how our sweet church family put everything we asked for, together so perfectly and then the Lord put HIs finishing touches on it to make it just what we hoped for!  Thank you for honoring us with your presence!
Everyone asks, How are we? Well... as far as I can tell, we are pressing thru the heartache the best we know how.... tears come at the strangest times and for the most part we deal with those feelings right then..... I think for us closest to Saxon, there is much relief in not watching him suffer and the mourning began on the day he was diagnosed...don't miss me here, we still prayed and believed and hoped for healing in this life, but we mourned for all that Saxon was missing and we as a family were missing all along the journey.  I have cried lots in the hospital as I watched him rest, yet, moan in pain. I would push the pain medicine button thru out the night and beg God that if healing wasn't coming in this life, if I wasn't going to get what I had so desperately asked for, to Please take him soon...tears were shed as I cried out to God for my sweet baby, (yes, I said baby, told him he would always be my baby!)  A little story... one day, I was sitting by his bed holding his hand and tears were dripping off my face.  I didn't think I was making any noise..but he said to me, while his eyes were still closed, " Momma, you sound like you could use a hug!".  He used all he had to give me a hug and comfort me. :)  
So when tears come, I let them... but there are lots of smiles to be smiled as well.  We have to go on, and not waste any of Saxon's suffering on self-pity....saddness is ok, grieving is good, but I am drawn right back to where the Lord kept me through out the 15 month journey. "Live today, enjoy today, do not worry about tomorrow....if you do you will miss all the good, all of Me in today...seek Me and you will find ME....I am your Treasure". Saxon has the Treasure!  He is with the Treasure!  Praise You and You Alone! Bottom line is we really don't know how to do this mourning thing, so we will try to walk with the Father like we tried to with the cancer thing....clinging to The One Who Does Know, mistakes will be made, but thanks to God He has more Grace than we have mistakes!
Words can never express how grateful we are that so many of you chose to stick with us thru this journey, What a Blessing! Please know, my thank you note list is way behind...but I am working on it! :)  May God bless you and keep you, May He make His face shine upon you and give you peace!   Lori



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