Another anniversary, Team Sam.

It is so hard to believe that yesterday it was 6 months since we lost our son. Yesterday was especially tough because it was not only the 25th, but also a Monday, strange!

I want to let you all know that the AdvoKate run was AWSOME! It was a gorgeous day, absolutely perfect, and I managed (somehow) to run the entire 5k without walking at all. I actually bought my first pair of (real) running shoes the day before and they made their debut appearance at AdvoKate, running in Sam's honor. I truly felt like my feet had wings, and can only conclude that my little man was lending me his, for just a little while. It was a great day, and very successful too. From what I heard, there were about 300 people who pre-registered, and about 200 more who registered the day of. I haven't heard the final numbers for how much they raised for St. Jude, but I will let you know when I find out. I will say there were a few moments that really choked me up that day. The first was seeing the giant poster of Sam that St. Jude had made. It was beautiful, breathtaking and inspiring. The next was talking to Kate's parents. Hats off to you Brian and Colleen, for putting together such a wonderful event, for the second year in a row, to honor your little princess! You are absolutely amazing, I don't know how you did it! Finally, when Colleen mentioned Sam's name in her speech, I was truly honored. At that moment I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to run or not, but knew I had to, for Sam and Kate, and all the other little fighters out there! I want to thank everyone who came to run or walk. We had a great group with us, and I'm sure there were many more who were thinking of Sam Thanks to Brian and Colleen for including Sam! It really meant so much to us!

Now that I'm almost a professional runner (Ha!), some friends and I are heading to Memphis this December to run the 5k as part of the St. Jude Marathon. I remember when we got there almost two years ago, there were billboards all over advertising it. I think it had happened right before we got there. This year the date of the marathon is Dec. 6, which was Sam's date of diagnosis. I feel like I have to be there, and I'm taking a team with me. Stay tuned for information on how you can help us support St. Jude. When we get registered I will post the info.

My first day back to work was today. It was so nice and so sad at the same time. It was comforting to be in my familiar environment, and exciting to be getting ready to start a new school year. It was almost like I had never left. However, it was sad for me to be there again, since the last time I was working, Sam was ok. I had been taken off of work 3 months before Sally was born because of some complications. I took my maternity leave the following fall, and extended it until after Christmas. I was slated to return to work on Jan. 3, but then Sam was diagnosed right before Christmas. It seems like a lifetime ago, and yet it also seems like just yesterday. Before I went in, I sort of had a moment of panic, running around the house gathering the most recent pictures of Sam that I could find, making sure he would be well represented in my office. Silly, but the pics I had there were two years old. One of my huge fears is what I will do when Max and Sally get older than Sam is in all the photos. I don't know quite how to explain it, but I can still put their photos together, and he's still the big brother. But now that I've had Sally's and Max's pictures taken again, they don't match Sam's last one. And eventually, they will get older, and that scares me because it just doesn't seem right. For now, I have his little angel face (and Sally's and Max's of course!) splashed around my office so I can see them all day long.

I was outside playing with the kids the other day and Max said, "Mommy, I think that white butterfly is Sam, stopping by to say hi." So we all said hi, and told him how much we missed him...and we continue to.