Good Morning Everyone.
Happy New year.....2012. Cannot believe it is here and that I am here for it. It was 2 years ago yesterday that I found out for sure that I had cancer. I woke up, went in for scans......I felt a bit like a cow having my boobs pulled through a machine to show the blood flow. I went to the office after and they took put a marker in the tumor.
The man that told me looked so sad.....I felt bad that he had to deliver the news....It was depressing and as I went and sat in my car I just kind of took it all in. THE BIG C......ugh....I knew my life changed forever. As I sat in my car in the parking garage I looked over at my friend who had went with me....she was smiling and waving back at me. I got a text from her saying "I'm so scared for ronda. She has cancer, it's bad" and something about me dying. I look up at her and she is just smiling and waving back at me........she accidently sent me the text she was trying to send her boyfriend. (Heavy Sigh........)
I went home and researched....okay...I can be the next Christina Applegate.....chemo, radiation....well, I don't have time for this....I just finally got tickets to see Chelsea Handler in LA.....I'll just wait. Later another phone call came.....My doctor again....the machine was acting up....it was more bad news showing that my nodes behind my sternum were lighting up also.....JUST GREAT!!!! I also remember Shannon and Maria packing up and coming to my home.......and Caleb too for a sleep over......I was so stressed out, but my ladies rallied around me. We all cried and hugged.....(I have to stop because it is making ME choked up).....and they said to me.....we are hear for you........
2 years ago seems like an eternity......so much of it I felt and looked awful.....I look in the mirror today and feel like I am getting closer to ME. I am forever changed and trying to stay as healthy and as strong as I can. I went to the gym yesterday with Karen......just fun...fun to workout, laugh.....and crack up when she is throwing my feet to the ground to chisel my abs (that are hidden by a small intertube of chunkiness....but they are there...I can at least feel them). I laugh and remember my roommate Kate and I doing that workout in San diego.....just a great time.
I had an Echo done at the hosptial to check my heart.....which.....it is still working.......and still there......Poor woman that had to do the test...she is probably used to quiet people and I am nothing but chatty lately. I'm just thankful.......to be here.......Friday are my scans......my 3 month check up to see if anything else has changed. Lots of prayers please....for me and my friend Heather who has her scans the same day. Lots of Scanxiety......but I hope and pray for improvement.
So.....for years I have kept thank yous from patients since I became a nurse back in 1995. The other day I found one from one of my first cancer patients. I worked in a hospital that was small in Charleston, South Carolina and this wonderful woman came in for complications of an enlarged.....everything. She was battling cancer and I swear she just lit up her room and everyone around her. She was so kind and sweet and truly you realized that sometimes life wasn't fair. She gave us a note to all of us......and I figure today was appropriate to share some of it.
"To My Angel Staff............I thought all of you would like this. This is what keeps me going. I will see you this friday with my belated thank you card. Sept 10-13....... Fran" We never saw Fran again....... :(
Enclosed was this.....
Cancer is so limited........It cannot cripple love, It cannot shatter hope, It cannot corrode faith, It cannot eat away at pece, It cannot destroy confidence, It cannot kill friendship, It cannot shut out memories, It cannot silence courage, It cannot invade the soul, It cannot reduce eternal life, It cannotquentch the Spirit, It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection. ............Dan Richardson.
Ironically this paper she gave me is from 1997....and I still treasure it and looking at it right now. As a nurse we are so lucky and blessed to help others......it's pretty amazing. It may just be considered a job, but it is so much more and it helps me......and truly it is such a blessing. So many people are caught up in such petty things........there is always someone who has it worse and always there are going to be tough things in this world.......each and every person has a different burden/battle to bear. Cheers to all of you who read my blog....thank you for supporting me and sharing it with others......it is very healing for me. I'm so thankful that you take the time to read "my story" and share it. I am wishing everyone a wonderful day........and thank you all for your love and support....it keeps me going.....:)
As Fran noted.....I am surrounded by angels....some I know, some I have never met, and some I see everyday......Happy 2012 to my Angels!!