Hello and good evening,
It is time to update my site again. I know it is quite long since my last entry. I begin with the best news: Four weeks ago I had another CT and blood tests etc. Everything was / IS!!! fine! My oncologist is great about it, her first sentence was: "The good news right away: Everything is fine as it should be! God morning!" This is always truly wonderful and great news. I will never get used to it or become a "Routiner" as we call it here in Switzerland. I am always quite nervous and at times quite scared before every checkup. All these "... what ifs" keep creeping up. Then the good news is such a relieve. When I got home I opened a bottle of (alcohol free!) Champaign, it is called "Mousse d'Or" (one of our favorites), and toasted to April with the remark: " The probability that we will get old together is really high and getting higher with every day"! So we cheered and hugged each other and enjoyed that moment. It is now nearly two and a half years since my surgery and I can say I am doing real great!
Yes, life is different after that experience of a MOAS treatment, and most of all getting another chance. Often I find myself confronted with the question, am I making good use of my life in a way that it expresses the gratitude and appreciation for this new chance? Yes and no. Having been confronted with the fact how limited our lives are, I often find my self very dissatisfied and impatient. There is so much to do and so little that I can accomplish resulting in quite a frustration. And then I find myself no longer willing to "wait and see how things will turn out". There is a certain urgency to life. Also the losses of numerous friends (too many!) in the past year to this PMP-disease is not easy to cope with and all of you who witnessed their passing away will agree that it was painful to let them go and still hurts knowing they are gone. True they live on in our memories and there is that hope that some day we will see them again. But again and again it catches up. Realizing that the confrontation with the fates of these friends got me really depressed I had to focus on other aspects of live as it is now occurring in its richness, urgency and with all the many possibilities.
Currently I am trying to reorganize my professional life, what is it that I want to do and what for. For me the work as a scientist is one of the most exciting professions, to investigate into so many unknowns, things that I didn’t have a clue that they existed, sometimes I feel like a little detective ... and there is this repeating experience, that once you have answered one question a whole lot of new ones arise, cool, it just never ends!!! …getting a little in touch with eternity, awesome! Yet, this is quite challenging, and not always without trouble when you realize that it is time to give up old ways and start new initiatives. Your colleagues do not necessarily appreciate it they would rather have you the way they knew you. And yet nothing is so inevitable as changes and it can be scary.
As for my family and friends I find that our relationships have become much more important and richer and much more rewarding. Friendships have become more than just something you have along the way as you live on, it is what makes your life rich and worth living for. That IS truly rewarding and this is a new experience for me. I guess life is much about taking one day after the other, make the best of the moments and live and plan into a future of a fulfilled and inspired life. The question when I was in the hospital after my operation “… was my life worth it? ” is very present. And I want to be able to say, “ it was worth it” when it is my turn to go!
have a good day and life
Rolf
P.S. There are some new pictures, check them out
