Hi Everyone, looks like Beth got tired of reminding me to update the journal and wrote her own which is fine if that's what it takes to get me going on it again.  I have wanted to write but often if I am writing something on-line for more than a minute my wireless connection still is fizzing out and it does'nt save what I have written.   Also there is just so much that I could write about I don't know where to start.  Beth is right....the fight has gotten longer than expected and a very tough and ugly one.  I guess most chemo patients can do treatments without a lot of extra health issues at the same time.  I am not one of them .  What is making this so damn difficult is that I still have to deal with the digestion issues with my colostomy and the rectal pain ,swelling etc.......without the chemo making it difficult the colostomy is not that hard to deal with but chemo knocks everything out of whack. Anyway , I will try to keep more updated and just keep facing whatever comes my way as best I can.  Luckily the kids can manage a lot of activities on their own but I dearly miss the activity and outings with them.  I hide my pain as best I can from them but they can often see I am not feeling great.  They are incredible kids.  I have never known a love like Beth's.  Did not think it even existed.  She has shown more love , understanding, tolerance and loyalty than I ever imagined could be shown. I love her dearly and that's why we are engaged.  Love is good. Well I better skin out before I get cut off .......Later all ...RC