This is a tough time of year.  As July 11th nears, it feels a little suffocating.  Sure it's hot and humid and that is suffocating in itself , but the reality of death is so tangible on the anniversary of the day Katie died. 

As we near that day, it always feels like there is something just around the corner waiting.  Something that looms and puts us all a little on edge.  Although there is always a daily mental reminder that Katie is gone, a daily memory or thought or daydream of her that reminds you everday that she is gone ... the death date anniversary is the day that the End of her life is a tangible memory ... the one day that I allow myself to play through the end of her life like its a DVD on slow motion in my mind ... I can see it all .. the faces, the sounds of the machines, my own voice trying to sing You are My Sunshine one last time ... the feeling of her skin and hands ...  I dont allow that often.  It hurts.  Physically.  

On D Day ....  I allow myself to feel it all, to see it all, and then to visit the cemetary and push all the guilt, anguish, sadness, heartbreak away ... and celebrate her spirit and her life and her goodness and her innocence and her sweet, sassy soul ... and to remind our own souls that She is in such a better place, and that She never hurts or suffers.  That God's plan was played out in our lives in 5 years 7 months and 7 days.  And no matter how much it hurts, His plan is perfect. 

Hug your little ones, teach them about Jesus ... enjoy the hot summer and live life to the fullest!

Michelle