Good Morning to all our faithful friends, family and prayer warriors who are still with us 4 years later.
I wasn't really sure what I would write today on this anniversary of saying goodbye to our boy. I feel like I've said it all already and I don't want you all to get sick of hearing the same 'ol stuff. In one way this date is a little easier to work through than a lot of others. It makes more sense than his birthday for example, because a birthday is a day to celebrate the life of someone progressing here with us. To celebrate that day after death feels a little disordered I guess. An anniversary of death, well it's a day we mark the transition from life to LIFE and ultimately there is HOPE in that. There is Joy for our Mikey. It is not easy but it is straightforward.
I remember all the moments of his final days with us and through each memory I cling to HOPE.
I remember our wedding anniversary about a week before Mikey died. Neither of us had any inclinations whatsoever to leave Michael's side, let alone celebrate. But Bill's mom went out and bought Lobsters and the family prepared us a special anniversary feast. As we ate that meal I remember the peace of knowing our union was blessed, and fruitful and a cause for joy and celebration, without which Michael would never have been here in the first place. I knew in those difficult moments that in the proper time we would take joy in our life and marriage and anniversary again. There was peace in that HOPE. This year was our 18th and further proof, if any is needed, that God always brings resurrection! (I also wrote a tribute to our marriage and an amazing husband here)
Only a week later we knew Michael was getting ready to journey on. I remember the terror of every pause in his breathing, wondering if it would actually be his very last breath. We gathered around him in fearful anticipation and disbelief of what was taking place, thinking "it just can't be that this beautiful boy won't be here anymore." I also remember the prayers pouring out of my very soul and the peace of knowing that something SO MUCH BIGGER was taking place. I remember KNOWING that heaven was surrounding us in those moments in a very real way and I remember KNOWING that there would be resurrection, that all would be ok.
And God has been faithfully working in our hearts every minute since those days 4 years ago. He has been working to heal us and open our hearts to LOVE and bring us to a new chapter. He has been leading us by the hand through our good Friday, to Holy Saturday, giving us a Holy head's up that something big is in the works.
He will toss the boulder aside and the only obstacle will be fear if we let it. But we won't, we can not, because we know the ending.
so stay tuned....
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