Dear Friends,
Because Julie’s laptop computer is the one Meredith used while she was battling cancer, the first page that appears is Meredith’s CaringBridge. This morning, we took an extra moment to check to see if there were any guestbook entries, and thank you, thank you, dear ones, there were some. It was so sweet to our souls to hear from you and to know that you are remembering this day and thinking and praying for all of us.
Julie returned Monday evening from Minnesota where she joined 13 of our loyal friends as “Team Meredith’s Miracles” in the Get Your Rear In Gear Colon Cancer 5K. There were 5000 participants, many teams much larger than ours. (Chelsey Johnson, one of Mer’s best friend from Minnesota, had organized the team for the second year, but was unable to participate because her husband is being deployed to Iraq this week and so she was in Texas for the final weekend before his deployment. Thank you, Chelsey. You’ll never know how much this means to us.) Many of the teams were carrying poster size pictures of their loved ones in whose honor they were walking, and again, those pictures were of women who would be living vibrant, productive lives if it weren’t for the beast that consumed them at such a tender age. One team represented a woman who passed just 3 months ago after a 15 month battle. She was in her 33rd week of pregnancy when she began experiencing pain in her shoulder. They expected it to be her gall bladder, but when they went in to remove it, they discovered metastasized colon cancer, stage 4. They delivered the baby at 33 weeks, she began chemotherapy at 35 weeks, and 15 months later she leaves the loves of her life – her husband and three children, ages 6, 3 and 1. This and other stories I continue to hear reaffirm my commitment to promoting awareness and progress in finding better and earlier ways of detecting this silent killer.
When I was waiting for Glen to pick me up at the airport Monday evening, I called Laura to see how their trip back to Cincinnati went (they had driven up for the walk and returned immediately after the walk on Sunday). I asked Laura to help me remember those last days, because for me, they continue to be a long, miserable blur. Unfortunately, Laura’s memories are the same, but she said something that really has helped me these past two day. She said, Tuesday morning, when Meredith took her last breath, that was the moment of victory. The moment of victory; I love that. Because the moment she saw the face of our Lord and Savior, she had defeated death. There would be no more pain. She was in paradise, in her eternal home, seeing again all those we are so anxious to see again; laughing, exploring, enjoying; all those precious experiences that we get glimpses of here on earth happen every moment where Meredith is now.
I know if I could ask Meredith to come back, she simply wouldn’t want to. She’s in the presence of our Lord and Savior. At His house. In the place His Father prepared for all of us. I can’t even imagine what it’s like, but I know it’s beyond amazing, and she simply would tell me, “no, mom(my), ‘just wait a few moments and you’ll be here with me, and we’ll enjoy paradise together FOREVER!”
When I was talking with my sister Kathy last night, she indeed remembers all the details of the final week of Mer’s journey here on earth. She reminded me how peaceful and graceful Meredith was as she greeted visitors as they came to visit her. She helped me remember some of the sweet comments Mer made; the way she opened her eyes to her precious friends as they came in groups on Saturday then would drift back into sleep as they sat by her side and admired her courage. She reminded me of the precious moments when we, as a family complete with uncles, aunts, cousins, sister, husband and parents prayed around here, thanking God for the gift she had been to us, acknowledging that she is HIS, and has always been, and simply thanking Him for sharing her with us for those precious 25 years.
She reminded me of the tears that gently tumbled down Mer’s cheek as her oldest cousin, Misty said her goodbyes. She said that when she had to leave that night, she went up to Mer and kissed her and said, “good night, Mer; I love you.” And Mer answered her back, “I love you, too, Aunt Kathy.” What precious words. What precious memories.
Kathy reminded me that Meredith opened her eyes and looked at Justin on Monday morning, maybe smiled at him that precious smile that was just one of their intimacies they shared only with each other, and then just as quickly closed her eyes. That might have been the last vision she had on earth, I don’t know. But the next real, alive vision our Meredith had was the face of Jesus. And how can you compare that with anything this side of Heaven? It must have been amazing. I know the word amazing doesn’t do that moment justice, but I don’t think there is a word here on earth that can describe that first moment in Heaven.
I know all of you have difficult memories of those days, because we all so loved our Meredith and wanted, selfishly, for the end of the story to be “and they lived happily ever after”. But she did, dear ones. She is. She is living happily ever after, but that can’t happen here on this earth. She is living that joy, peace, perfection only where happily ever after can really happen; in the presence of our precious Savior.
This morning here in Colleyville Texas is exactly as we remember it to be one year ago today in Indianapolis: sunny, bright, quiet and warm. It’s exactly as it was when Meredith finally drew her last breath on this earth and gloriously took her rightful place in heaven. We feel God’s presence here this morning the same way we did one year ago today and are reminded that it doesn’t matter where we are on this earth – God is God – He is everywhere – and He is always with us.
Today will be a day for many of us to reflect on Meredith’s life; to remember the impact that she had on so many; to remember the courageous way she handled her disease and her pain; to remember how she accepted her fate and how she used her story to witness to others – even until the very end.
As painful as her death has been to us, we are at the same time, so very proud of her! We often times wonder where and how she became so inspiring, so deep, so gracious (after all…this is Muff we’re talking about!) and then it becomes so obvious to us that it clearly was given to her as a gift from God. In that way, her journey was truly “A God Thing”!
So let us celebrate today, Mer’s first anniversary in Heaven, and look forward to the moment we, too can join her in paradise and begin our “happily ever after” with her, all the ones we love who are there with her today, and especially in the shelter and love of our Amazing Father!
Love,
Glen and Julie
