Meranda Carsey's Journal
Written Apr 4, 2010 7:41pmHi Everyone
Another update on Miss Meranda. We have had a long week. Meranda's actual softball games have started. She has struggled through practices with trouble breathing because of the "phelgm" problem. Which we have found out she will deal with the rest of her life. The radiation had damaged some membranes in the inner ear which makes the drainage thick, for the rest of us it a just a quick clearing of the throat to clear. However, she is not able to do that because it is so thick so it will block her airway sometimes and she just has to keep trying to cough to get it out.
The other problem is, because of the brain surgery this has slowed her down some which we did not notice until softball season. She is not able to react fast enough, run fast enough, or throw fast enough. This in turn has left her behind and sitting the bench because there are better faster team mates. She has been struggling very hard on her decision because she just loves softball. However, she has decided to quit softball because she just can't keep up with the other girls and it breaks her heart to work as hard as she can and know it still itsn't good enough to be able to play in the games. She has cried and cried and cried. She feels though it would be in the best interest of herself if she didn't stress herself out so bad and keep trying so hard and still not be able to play.
She is a different girl now and the radiation after effects still plague her and will continue to for some time. Just because radiation is over doesn't mean that the affects of the radiation is. Just because of the MRI's are clear (which is awesome) doesn't mean the fight is over.
She has learned alot for a 16 year old more than one should at this age. It breaks my heart to see her so upset and her asking my advice on what to do about softball. I told her I cannot make that kind of decision for her. That is something she needs to do. She knows how she feels better than anyone else. I told her if you are really trying as hard as you can and you realize what your difficulties are now you make the decision. It was so difficult. Till now she didn't realize how much everything has changed as far as her body goes. Now she does.
She isn't giving up. She realizes that being in shape and active is how she recovered so fast and so well. We have discussed it and her and brother Jake are going to join the local gym together and work out.
She doesn't want to be known as a quitter. It is just at this moment in time her body is not letting her do what she was used to doing a year ago. She now knows what her limitations are at this time and that hopefully in the future this will just be a learning experience and her tolerance will expand and she will be able to keep up with other players.
Just one more note. As the year mark approaches and I look around me I am remembering different things that were going on this time last year and we had no clue that our daughter had cancer. May 2nd Merandas 17th bday will be the one year anniversary of finding the horrible tumor. I didn't think it would bother me because she is doing well. Let me tell you what, it is bothering me so much. It is like a count down to d day. Watching the trees and flowers bloom which is so beautiful and definetly don't take it for granite now. Getting ready for prom. Prom was one week before we found the tumor. This is the time of year our lives were changed forever. Nothing will be "normal" as we used to know it again. We have a neice getting married on May 15th. I am not to sure how I will handle this day or if I will even be able to go to the wedding. This was the day the doctor called and said , "I am so sorry to tell you that Meranda's tumor was cancer. It is a level 3 and is very aggressive and appears to be an extremly rare type of cancer. We are sending it to St. Louis to be reexamined to make sure it is the same as what we have found. We are setting you up with the onocologist here at CHP and her treatment plan will be made out and get under way as soon as possible". How can you celebrate on day that you were given the worst news parent can be told. I am not sure what we will do that day. I am very very thankful to still have her and know how great everything has been. I guess this is something that maybe people go through when something so traumatic happens to you. I know different things are reminding Meranda. It's bad enough it's her birthday and that her surgery was on her brothers bday. Those memories will never go away. We difinetly have some new awesome memories to which we all try to focus on and do most of the time. But for right now with the first year approaching it is just a bit difficult. I am sure next year will be much better and maybe these feelings will not be with us as strong.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter and God Bless all of you.
Written Mar 18, 2010 5:44pmJust wanted to drop by here real quick and let everyone know that their prayers continue to work. Her MRI was clear for the 2nd time. We go back in July for another one unless something else happens.
We go to see the ent doctors on Tuesday.
Written Mar 14, 2010 8:21amHi Everyone,
The ct scans came back clear and we seen the lung doctor. However, he is stumped he doesn't understand why she is having the mucus problem because the sinsus and lungs are clear.
Our next step is seeing an ear, nose, and thoat dr on the 23rd.
Also Monday the 15th we will be going back to pitt to get another MRI. As usual Meranda is very nervous....but I keep assuring her eveerything is going to come back normal.
I will keep you updated on the results from that.
THanks for all the prayers