As this weekend comes to a close we prepare for another change. Things that happen in day to day life are magnified now, often everything seems like a hurdle to overcome. I return to work this week and Joe will attempt to go back to work as well while Matthew stays in therapy. We are so grateful that Joe has been given this opportunity, he will be a one to one aide at R.C.H.S. While he won't make the salary he did before it will be a steady second income, and as God seems to have planned it, just in time. Our savings, all the donations and fundraising efforts of so many, have just run out. During the summer we've gone to have lunch with Matthew, or planned a visitor for him almost every day. This will be part of the change. The other part is us going "to school" when that is what he wants so much, but he won't be able to. He knows he's getting better because he's staying at TLC, but living there isn't what he wants. Its lonely and depressing to him.
I am anxious about the changes, today for example, there is a side of Matthew showing that we rarely see. The angry, depressed kid who won't speak to us unless its to lash out. He can't tell us why he's this way or even put a name to what he's feeling; its so uncharacteristic that when he does get this way we really don't know what to do. Being unable to help him, or fix this, is such a helpless feeling. He continues to make slow, steady progress physically and mentally. These times when he gets in this place emotionally are good as well; it means his mind is continuing to heal and recover. It just hurts so much, his anxiety level is up again. Its not as bad as it has been in the past, but signs of it had nearly vanished for weeks except when he was severely physically challenged at therapy. Subconsciously he must be trying to deal with something, all I can do is pray at this point.
He misses his siblings fiercely. He wants to catch up with his school work so he can graduate. As great as his school has been, the program they have him in just isn't working. I have to find something else. If anyone has any ideas, credits that could be transferred back to RCHS so that he could graduate, I'd be more than welcoming. Keep him in your prayers as we go back, as days pass and it seems there's still so far to go.