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Moving on to

Of all the posts I have written few have been as hard and as so truly enjoyable. Most of the year the posts which have been difficult to write were because something was going wrong, or I was scared, or I was worried I might offend someone. The enjoyable ones were these little moments where I thought I might be gaining ground on my healthy or came up with something I found insightful. Now I am just sort of at a lack of words.

I am not overly tired, it's not to late, I just don't know how to close this chapter. There are no words which can express my gratitude to the people who followed along this entire year. I can't quantify what the ritual of writing and reading the comments has provided me. I can't repay Caringbridge the value which I have accumulated from the site. I can't believe that I will just walk away from the cyber spot which we have created.

I will though.

This morning I woke up in my own bed, Brooke was not separated by the 10 feet of the hospital room, but by Finn. The view was not of Seattle but of the trees in my backyard. The sound was not that white noise of the hospital but the creaking of my home and the breath of my family. The warmth came from the love of everyone who has supported and not the inner flight or fight of fever. I move forward, not sure exactly what lies ahead but I know where I have been. I am proud, lucky, and excited to be headed this way.

Thank you all for bearing this burden with me. My suffering, my pain, my growth, my life is all better because of you. May you all be as lucky and loved as I feel. I am Head Up and Heart Strong and I have more life to live.

It is hard to hit post. I am full of tears...happy and alive.

Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.

Thank you
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Lori Van Dusen
By Lori and Family
I am so glad that you get to close this chapter of your life and move on to living again. Enjoy each day with your family and I look forward to hearing about your adventures!
1 person hearted this
sarah simon
Matt, I don't know you, but your mom was my sewing teacher in high school and your dad was my doctor from my little girl years til now, and is also my kid's and husband's doc. I have been following your blog almost every day and sending you healing energy, hoping to see you getting a leg up on your illness. I am so incredibly happy to read your last post here and so overcome with joy for you to be home with your family, feeling healthy and at peace. I will continue to have you and your family in your thoughts, I wish you all the best in life, and thank you for taking me on your journey... If you every decide to take a break from doctoring, you definitely have a future as a writer! Best of everything, Sarah Boersma Simon