Hello my sweet son. Today marks your 3 month angelversary. I can't express how much I miss you. I miss your laugh, your smile, your hugs, your jokes, your presence, your sweet smell. I sleep with your favorite night night everynight. It still smells like, fresh laundry detergent. You will never know how hard it is to go on without you.. I know you are here with us each and everyday, but we can't see you or hold you and that is the most difficult for me. Monica is doing okay, she speaks of you often and misses you tremendously. In any situation she will say "Mason would have done this, Mason would have said this". You are such a hero to your big sister, I know that just doesn't sound right does it? You are though, she admires you and looked up to you, her little brother. The strength you demonstrated until your last day was tremendous and provided all of your loved ones with strength. Our motto is "if Mason could endure all he could, we can do this". No matter what the situation, we know we can because of you. You taught mommy so much in life and I wish each minute of everyday that you were here to continue to teach me. I know you are guiding all of us.
I write this to ask some favors of you as well as express my love, gratitude and heartache for not having your presence here on earth.
Ryan isn't doing well, he is experiencing pain. As you already know I went to visit him last week. I know you were that loud voice in my head telling me I had to be there. I went and he had some good days while I was there, for that I am so grateful. He asked about you a lot. He doesn't know you are an angel now, but deep down I believe he really does know. He asked why I didn't bring you, when you get out of school, could I bring you to see him in June, if I "used" to make bacon for you the way I cooked it for him and so much more. He had a liver biopsy last Monday and scared us half to death when his blood pressure dropped to the teens and his heart rate dropped into the 40's. You were there, just like he requested the morning before he went in to the hospital for the biopsy. He said "Kelley, can Mason come into the room with me when I have my biopsy". I didn't know how to answer that, but I think you answered for us. You were there and told him he couldn't leave us. Thank you.
Cathy needs you right now, she is going through a lot with running out of options, Ryan experiencing the pain in his tummy like you did and his bilirubin rising. Please see her through whatever she is faced with as well as the rest of her family. I know how much you love them and that you are there for them just like you are for your own family.
On a happier note, your baby cousin Liam Clark is due in 10 days. It's been told to me that you think he will be here on 9-27-2011. We shall see.. :) Aunt Holly is in the doctors office as I write this and a little scared waiting to speak with the doctor. Just keep them safe and healthy please. I know you have the power now. Uncle Kowie is very sad that Liam won't get to know you like the other kids in the family have. Please comfort him and let him know you met Liam before any of us and gave him a high five on the way up. :)
Aunt Jessie is doing okay, she is keeping busy but I know she is missing you terribly too. She is extremely lost without you here to care for. Comfort her as well and your other aunts, uncles, cousins, daddy and grandparents please. You are an amazing force and can see us all through this I just know..
Jim's working hard, but mommy misses him being home everynight. We are both training to run in the marathon in your honor this year. Jim can do it, we know because it was you, me and Teresa last year waiting on him anxiously to finish that 26.2 miles in honor of neuroblastoma and his special little warrior who awaited him at the finish line! You were so proud of him, I will never forget you waiting so long, pushing people out of your way so you could sit at the finish line and wait to see him when he was done. It was such a wonderful moment for you and you got so tired afterwards and fell asleep on the curb on my lap. I miss you my lovey. I can't express that enough or how much. I miss cuddling with you in my bed watching (I can't believe I'm saying this) but sponge bob with you. You know mommy got sick of sponge bob and begged you to let me watch my shows instead but I'd give anything for that experience once again and would watch marathons of sponge bob all day, everyday with you.
So our favorite show aired last night, two and half men. It's just not the same without Charlie Sheen. Life just isn't the same without you. I work a lot like always, but now I channel my extra time into working out and training for the 10K in the marathon for you. You know mommy doesn't like to run, but I'm beginning to love it because I am doing it for you and other kids like you and you are always there pushing me harder and further each time. I sense your presence a lot and in many situations I think to myself "would this make Mason proud". That's all that matters to me now. I want you and your sister to be proud and want her to make a difference in the world, especially the neuroblastoma world.
Well baby, I have to get back to life now, but it feels good reaching out to you again. I speak to you each day, I hope you hear me. I love you infinity times infinity times infinity...
With love and prayers to all our fellow angels, warriors, family and friends.