Tomorrow is the BIG day that I find out what is wrong with me. I will know if it's the BIG C or if it's just a dead colon and paralyzed small intestine. I pray it's the latter. No matter what the outcome, I am going to deal with it, just like I dealt with everything else in my life that has been bad. Good always came out of the bad things, and I have been a mentor and huge help to others who conquered the things I have.
I know my life is going to be on the fast track from tomorrow onwards....going from diagnosis to surgery and treatments. My life is going to change, and it may not seem like God has my best interest, but I have to somehow find faith within myself that He DOES have my best interest at heart....I can't let go of my faith now, as much as I am slipping at times away, I find my way back to God's loving arms at night when I pray. I pray for those around me who have helped me emotionally, I pray for my Niece and Children, who have been there to see me at my worst lately, and pray for my family and friends who are pushing me along when I can hardly hold myself up anymore. If it wasn't for all of you, I know I would be much worse right now. Yes, I am in bed almost 24 hours each day and can hardly move at times, but I know that the end of this pain and suffering is coming to an end soon. I will get surgery and be able to conquer this, just as I have conquered each bad thing in my life, and was able to make a positive from many negatives.
God, if you can hear me...Please make sure I get through this. Let me LIVE and be free from the pain that I suffer from day in and day out. Please don't take me...Don't let my bleeding disorder come in between the surgery and my life. Let me LIVE and breathe on this Earth for as long as you allow me to. Let me be a LIVING angel and help others who suffer from similar or the same diseases. Let me teach them to love themselves, as I am learning to do for myself, during this time of change. Let me love myself enough to be able to handle my scars and battle wounds. Let me conquer this thing, like I have conquered everything else....let me heal. In Jesus Name I Pray, AMEN.
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