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Trying the best I can.

I have been having a LOT of pain again after my 2 day break. I also have a couple new symptoms (stop reading now if you are queasy, lol):
I usually have HARD and TINY round pellets for my bowel movements in dark brown/charcoal color...but for almost 3 weeks I have had VERY light colored stools, very soft and skinny- MUCH different than usual. I also NEVER have bowel movements more than 2 times per week (on a good week), usually less often...but for 3 weeks since having these pale light yellowish/tan colored stools, I've been having MANY bowel movements and trips to the bathroom. I feel WORSE after going to the bathroom and have been NOT eating hardly anything each day....I've been feeling full and not well for weeks now. I feel weak, in pain and just overall not "right"... I got used to being constipated and now having this, my stomach is feeling "different" and even worse than before. 

My appt with the surgeon is next Tuesday...I hope I can hold out until then. I have been on the verge of going to the Emergency Room, but am scared that they will admit me, and I am not ready yet. I can't leave my niece home without help, I need to be prepared in the beginning.....I will be ready once the 12th comes, but am so nervous (without telling anyone about how I really am scared out of my mind of this new issue of pale stools) and am worried. I know something is terribly wrong, and I don't want to make my niece and others worried, but know that my life may be in danger with these worrysome symptoms. I had tan stools before but only for 2 days and I also have liver issues that are unknown yet. I know for sure my liver is enlarged, and that my enzymes on the lab tests come back high sometimes...and I also know that my surgeon was very concerned about those two days of tan stools...I saw the look on his face and his questions were extensive about that topic...so I know this is not good, but am so afraid to get checked out. 

I pray I get the financial support that I need so badly to get the aftercare that I need. I am fading....I don't like to say that, but if I do say it, I feel like maybe God will know I need Him to hold me up right now. I am living off of Ensure each day and only a few bites of food. I do NOT like having the nasogastric tube inserted down my nose but know that they will give me that if I am unable to eat....I don't want to get that, another reason I am steering clear of the ER. 

I am so dizzy, weak, in pain, and overall sick.....so many new things each day happen, and pain spreading throughout my entire stomach...mostly on my left side, but now spreading and I know this nagging, gnawing pain is NOT normal. I asked for an earlier appt with the surgeon but the nurse said that he is only in the office 2 days per week and there are NO spots left for appts any earlier than the 12th.....so looks like I will have to hold out and be patient and know that I CAN try to make it until next week without going to the ER. If things get worse, I will go to the ER, but I fear they will keep me this time....so I will do my very best to stay away.....sometimes I am my own worst enemy....
Please, Lord God, help me. I need you now to hold me up and guide me to where I need to be. In Jesus Name I pray AMEN.