Luke Vogt's Journal
Written April 8, 2013 9:56pmSaturday was a good day! Brian, Luke and I went to the gym and helped Luke do his workout. Luke finished one set of bicep pulls and we told him he could rest. He suddenly pulled it up on his own. Then he did it again all the way up! We helped him do another set and were hoping he would do one more on his own for the video and he did!!! Check it out!Later we sat in the sun on the patio and went out in the van again to see the sunset! What a glorious sunset it was and Luke enjoyed every moment of it!Yesterday we met Gaby at the pool and she got hold of Luke the second he hit the water and didn't let go until we were all freezing cold! Luke is magnetic with friends, family, therapists and nurses! Lucky he is because I am so blessed to have our home and life filled with love beyond measure.We are planning a trip to the southland to see Luke's best friend Trevor, his mom Chris, his sister Katie and her brand new baby girl Emily on Wednesday! First trip of many to go visiting friends! We will see you all soon!
I Love to Laugh
Written April 3, 2013 11:15pmLuke has always had such a great sense of humor and I can still hear his "ha ha ha ha ha" laugh in a way no one else can do. I am waiting for him to laugh. We all laugh around here when we click on the Talking Tom app or body sound app! Sometimes we get a smile out of luke and sometimes a look of "GO AWAY!" I gave him a squishy foam square yesterday and kept asking him to hold it, touch it, and squeeze it. I then emulated his voice of "No mom, I don't want to squeeze it" I did this several times and he lifted it up and threw it about 3 feet away. I laughed and laughed. He is still making me laugh even though he is not laughing out loud I am sure he is laughing on the inside.We went to the gym yesterday and went through his upper body exercises. He seems to come alive at the gym. We ran into a guy who was in a car accident 5 years ago and was at New Orange Hills a few years before Luke. We met him when he came back to visit and show everyone how he could walk down the hallway. He goes to the same gym as Luke twice a week and his loving family inspired me. I was told his accident and injuries were worse than Luke's and he is walking and talking today!I want to thank you all for your love and support. You have given us freedom! Luke's van is amazing and we are able to get out and about. We spent Easter at Matt's, went to David and Annabelle's and colored easter eggs, went to the gym yesterday, and have plans to meet Gaby at the pool Sunday.Still can't wait to get over to Temecula for a visit. Let me know when you are available to see Luke.Check out his "Beats"! He loves his headphones, so don't even think about taking them off his head! Haha!
Written February 21, 2013 11:15pmI somehow think every day that it will all get easier. I guess that is how I get through each day. Hope, hope of a better, brighter, future, but right now my heart is breaking into a million peices. Every day it breaks a little more. Yes, it is true Luke is a miracle and continues to progress. He is amazing to experience and I am honored to be a part of this journey, but. . .When I go to Chuck E Cheese with Brian and Luke and meet Matt, Peggy, and Hailey my heart breaks a little. Luke looked longingly at the games and children. He wanted so badly to run around with the kids and play, but he could only sit in his wheelchair and that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that he could not get up and play with his neice. It breaks my heart that Matt has a brother with a brain injury in a wheelchair that cannot get up and play or even sit and have a conversation or a piece of pizza.Yes we have the van, but to integrate into society with Luke in a wheelchair breaks my heart. I don't want to push a wheelchair around. I don't want to roll my 24 year old son out of a wheelchair van. I don't want to walk around having people stare wide eyed or look away as if we are not there. This is not getting easier. It is hard and it hurts and it is like getting shot in the stomach with a shotgun. I don't like it. Luke doesn't like it. I know Matt must hate it. Brian hangs in there and is heartbroken also. I wish I was more. I wish I didn't have a problem with all of this. I wish I was just grateful for this newfound freedom, but I worry incessantly and Luke seems miserable and I just want him to be happy and he isn't. No one seems very happy around here and I just want to find some joy somewhere. But when I look at us I judge, I look away, I stare wide eyed. I am guilty of all these things and I don't know how to get to the next place. The place where pushing my son around in a wheelchair feels normal. I want him to talk to me and everyone else. I want him to walk and skip and jump. I want him to eat a big bite of pizza. I so badl want to hear him laugh.How do I put all these tiny pieces of my heart back together?How do I heal? How do I lead the way for my family to be okay with all of this when I am not? How do I convince Luke that everything will be okay when I am not okay?Yesterday the speech therapist was explaining the dangers of a choking incident when learning to eat again She talked about the traumatic effects it can have. It reminded me that Luke has already had a choking incident. His lungs filled with blood and he was choking on his own blood while he waited for the ambulance to arrive. No wonder he is so afraid to swallow. How much does he remember? When we hear a siren coming close his eyes get wide and he holds his ear. Does he remember his accident? Does it matter? Well what I know is that even if he doesn't have a clear memory, his body remembers.This is our life every day. Trying to find any way we can to bring Luke back to us. And he is slowly finding his way back.When you see someone in a wheelchair smile, look them in the eyes and say hi. Do it for Luke, do it for me. Show me how. I need to learn.Love, Makayla