I typed up the following entry on Father's Day but had difficulty getting it updated on this web site until now...

Sorry for our infrequent updates the past few months. We very much appreciate that you continue to think of Lucas and our family and the kind thoughts in your guestbook entries. As you saw in Thy's previous update, her mother, who Lucas affectionately called Baba, has a terminal cancer. It's advanced, and the oncologist informed us that there is no cure. Baba has decided to forego treatment and chose instead to spend her remaining time enjoying dear ones. Aiden, Lucas (his ashes), Kira, and Thy have been with Baba since we found out. Meanwhile, I've been flying there every couple of weeks to spend the weekend or work remotely for a week then return to come into the office. Unfortunately, I cannot work remotely for an extended period right now, but I'm trying to arrange for it. It's been a difficult time for Thy to juggle home schooling Kira, chase after Aiden, and take care of her mother while coming to terms with her mother's imminent death. I admire Baba's grace in facing death. She  has accepted it and wants us to be at peace with it as well, but we all love her and are only human.

Just a quick thought on Father's Day. I hear many takes on what a great father should be. Someone who teaches you to trust yourself and shows you how to deal with whatever difficulty life brings your way--that would be a pretty good definition for a great father to me. Based on this definition, it's not clear who is the father in my relationship with Lucas. In this regard, I think he taught me more than I could have taught him. These qualities seemed intrisic to him, and the most I could have done for him was to not "teach" them away. But there are not too many times in your 40's when you truly change even if only in a nuanced but meaningful way. Lucas affected these changes in me, and he did so without berating or lecturing; he simply inspired and taught, without ever intending to, simply by doing what felt right to him. Anyone who can do that deserves to have a chance of being a father.

I'm off to eat my traditional Father's Day plum, and I'll eat one for Lucas.