Hello, all:
Today Michelle, Siri and I made our first visit of the year to Liv's grave. My mother and father also joined us, which was a welcome surprise. Our hearts were all heavy, but no one melted into sobbing like in years past.
It has taken us a long time to add a new entry to Liv's journal, in part because it feels like so much of our relationship to her is standing still. In some ways we feel 'better'--it's really such a subjective word in this case--but in some ways we also feel more resigned than ever to having lost her to time. I guess there just different senses of pain, loss, and acceptance for different moments in life, and I also know I am only speaking for myself.
One other thing that makes life feel different now is that we are awaiting the birth of our third child. While 'pumpkin' won't arrive until late October, all the head games that go into wondering whether the baby will be healthy, how it will be to bring a new baby home after so long, and so on...suffice it to say we feel fortunate and terrified at the same time. This really is the only way to live, though--you just have to dare to try again. We really hope that however we carry on, we will do our best by all our children for their separate and collective sakes.
Wishing you all a peaceful Memorial Day weekend,
Dana
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