Good Evening Everyone-

      Before I update, I would just like to thank all of you for your presence at Liam's rosary, funeral mass, and celebration of his life. :)  ....(and to those of you who were unable to attend with us, please be assured that we knew you were with us.) :)  Brendan and I were overwhelmed with emotion and touched by the number of individuals who shared that evening of the celebration and mass with us, as we very much felt Liam's presence there. :)  That night went as we had hoped, and we pray that Liam liked it as well. :)  I would like to especially acknowledge the presence of the families of Darian, Natasha, Carter and Ben, who were all represented that night by one or more members of their families. :)  I know to be there was difficult, but you must know what it meant to us to have you there. :)  It brought comfort like no other.....and we love you and thank you! :)  
       Wednesday will mark three weeks since Liam's passing, and I wish I could say that it is getting easier, but it has been difficult. :)  Brendan, Sophia, and I watched some home videos of Liam this morning, and they were lovely to see, and we laughed! :)  Then almost immediately afterward I couldn't hold back the tears, ......seeing him running around, announcing his 'Liam-isms' brought him almost close enough for me to kiss his cheek, ....and in realizing that I couldn't , I was overwhlemed with sadness. :)  The three of us embraced and Brendan voiced how much he missed him, as did Sophia.  I still feel in my arms, what it felt like to hug Liam, and I pray that it never goes away. :)
       The Saturday after the funeral was my birthday. :)  Not feeling celebratory by any means, I asked family and friends to hold onto the well-wishes for another day, as I wanted it to be a regular day.  ....It was hard for me to accept that I had made it to 33 when Liam will have not made it to 5 come this August......but a wonderful friend said to me that day....."Lisette, you will be with Liam again.  In the meantime, live for him....if nothing else, have Liam's favorite dessert today, just so that Sophia may always remember what it was....."  She was right, and that's just what we did! :)  Liam had many favorites, but we went with the dessert we had at his make-a-wish party which was a raspberry cheesecake ice-cream cake from Cold Stone. :)        The following day, a bittersweet one being Father's Day, the three of us went to see Liam at the cemetery early in the morning and then we headed to the coast for the day.  It was a wonderful trip, one that refreshed us, and made us forget that there were still many loose ends to tie up after a funeral.  We hadn't been to the beach in over a year, and we missed it. :)  It rained just before we arrived at Cannon Beach.....sophia was disappointed,...... but Brendan told her not to worry, ...that the raindrops were simply drops from Liam's watering can, and that he probably thought it would be funny to water the flowers, the trees,.....and his family!....... :)  She perked up at that, and surprisingly, upon arriving at the beach, the rain stopped, the sun came out and it was beautiful the rest of the day! :)  We let go of Sophia's hand on the beach and watched her squeal and laugh as she ran from the water that was creeping toward her toes, and again we were reminded of Liam.  The last time Sophia laughed like that was when we were on our walks at home, and Liam, when walking well, would run down the sidewalk after her laughing himself to hiccups and calling, "I'm gonna get you Sophia, I'm gonna get you!..."  It was comforting to feel him there. :)  We took many pictures, spent a great deal of time in the sand, grabbed some lunch,  perused the shops, stopped at the candy store, (of course!) and headed home. :)  To and from the coast, we listened to a compilation CD, ....the same one that we played for background music at his celebration after the slideshow.......all songs that meant something to Liam. :)  Sophia tapped on her legs, and Brendan and I sang, (out of key, mind you,) along with the tunes. :)  We decided we would periodically take off for the beach, just the three of us....... it did a great deal for us.. :) 
       Here at home we have been busying ourselves with home improvement and household projects.  We also hung the mural from his celebration in the children's room, and the large photo of Liam from the church now hangs in our living room.  Brendan is just about finished putting in some built ins on the other side of our fireplace, and I've been tackling some organizational projects, cabinets, going through clothes, rearranging furniture, gardening, painting, etc....  these projects have helped to keep our minds and our hands busy, projects which have been welcome distractions.  ......about the only distractions that we feel comfortable with at this point.  :)  We have had a number of invitations for get-togethers, parties, and the like, and for those, we would like to thank everyone. :)  Your thoughts and kindness in including us are so very appreciated. :)  However, everything is still so very new for us, and these last couple of weeks of trying to cope with not only our loss of Liam, but also of a lifestyle that for a year was very involved, very scheduled, and very isolated, have been difficult, and confusing to say the least  :)           For now, Brendan and I have decided that Sophia is our foremost priority...... helping her to cope in her own way with having lost her favorite playmate and cherished big brother. :)  She will only turn three this next month, but she is such a smart cookie and she knows and feels much.  The day of Liam's burial, I was holding her near his casket, and she asked, " Where's Liam?  I want to see him."   "Sophia, honey" I said. "Liam is in the box.".......she stared at the casket and asked, "he's in the box?.......but I want to see him...."  Calmly, but with tears filling my eyes, I said, " Sophia, Liam is in the box because it gave him a ride to heaven, ...it took him to heaven,...and now he's there,  playing with Jesus and the angels."  ...She stuck out her bottom lip, laid her head on my shoulder and cried.  For many days, she wouldn't sit in Liam's carseat, wear any of his clothes, or play with any of his toys.  She'd say "No!......they are Liam's!"  She misses him and voices it often.  We have visited Liam's grave every day since his burial, and the other day as we knelt by the side, watching the dragonflies whizzing past us and appreciating how sunny his spot was, Sophia croutched down placing both of her palms on the sod of his grave, and looked down.  We thought she spotted a bug.  "Sophia?  What are you doing?"   .......She looked up, smiling, the wind blowing her hair, and said simply, "I hugging Liam...."  Now, everyday that we go, we 'hug' him before we say 'see you tomorrow, Liam' and 'we love you.' :)  She has 'seen' Liam a couple of times, and told us about it, and we are grateful for her words.  We see Liam very much in her words, her mannerisms, and in her likes and dislikes (except for Liam's love of bugs......she definitely does not share his feelings there!) :)..... and that's okay. :) What we hope to do is to keep showing her pictures of Liam, and to talk to her about things he liked or didn't like, funny things he did, favorite movies, books, foods, etc.... to do what we can to help her always to remember the special person he was. :)  Michelita gave me a beautiful locket with Liam and Sophia's pictures inside on the day of the rosary, a locket that I never take off.  Sophia often forces me to sit or bend down, and says "I want to see Liam....."  She opens the locket herself, points at Liam's picture, and says "oh!...there he is!..."  and then off she goes.  It's one of the little reassurances that she needs, to show that he's always with us. :) Whenever I call his name and begin speaking to him or praying, I can almost see him, in his little wings, saying to the other little angels during playtime, "Just a minute everybody, I'll be right back, ...my mom is calling."  He runs over and lays down at the edge of a cloud and peeks over resting his head on his hands, smiling, and listening attentively.  When I finish with my 'see you tomorrow, I love you...' he says loudly, in his Liam way, "I love you too, Mommy!" ....and then returns to laugh and play with his friends. :)  The thought of such an interchange, makes me smile each time I think of it. :)  
     Sophia is our priority right now, not only to help her cope, but simply to enjoy our time with her.  Brendan and I missed out on a great deal of her life this past year, and we want to be able to spend more play time, more outings, more activities, the three of us together   :)  We have slowly been making our way out of the house,  to the grocery store, chancing the mall to buy sheets, having lunch with a friend, etc..... and later, we look forward to rejoining some of the greater celebrations: reunions, big picnics, and weddings to name a few,.....but in time. :)  To have lived the last year of our lives at home and at the hospital only, it seems as though we would be champing at the bit now to rejoin the masses, but at this time, we feel we cannot.  We will, but it may take weeks, perhaps months before we feel comfortable enough for such events.  We appreciate everyone's understanding in regard to this portion of our healing.  We miss everyone, and promise we will see you, but we need a little time. :)   We understand that though few can directly understand the level of our grief, as parents who have lost a child........ all who read this journal were touched by Liam's life, and we know many are hurting a great deal. :)  We trust that in time, Brendan and I will be able to help ease the pain experienced by so many, through words and thoughts of hope, and of happy moments that Liam continues to instill in us, even after his passing. :)
      Brendan and Sophia and I did make a trip to Seattle this last weekend, just for a night,  to watch a friend run a half-marathon in honor of Liam.  We have never been to such a race, and have to admit that upon walking toward the intersection where we would wait with our sign to see her pass us, we were filled with emotion, and I cried at the beautiful sight before me:  several cowbells clanging, families and fans cheering on friends and loved ones who were running to honor those who survived or who were lost to leukemia or lymphoma, the sun was shining, and as we waited, we heard the woman seated down in front of us yell, "here he comes mom, get the water!"  .....A man in his late sixties, with a toothy grin and scrawny legs, came huffing and puffing along.... " where's my three musketeer bar?" he hollers as he jogs in place.  "How are you doing?" his wife asks.  The man takes a swig of his water bottle, and with a huge smile, says "...i've never felt better!"   ......and off he went.... :)  It felt good to be there, and even better when our friend jogs up in her black shirt with a white 'for liam' on the front, camera in hand taking a picture of our sign.  She stopped briefly to hug us all, and the tears were flowing. :)  I reminded her that Liam was with her..... and she replied that she knew it.  :)  As she continued on the last leg of the race, we smiled at the back of her shirt which read 'rest in peace little dragonslayer' and 'cancer sucks!'  We agree. :)  Thank you Jeannie, for letting us share that experience with you, and thank you to Suni, Becky and Angela, and all of the other individuals who have honored Liam through marathons of their own,...I know there have been many. :) 
       Okay,.......I think this entry probably exceeds the maximum length allowed for an update, so I'll stop for the evening. :)  I will continue our caringbridge for some time, though updates may not be as frequent.  :)  Thank you all for your support of Liam and of our family, this journal has not only been a connection tool amongst family and friends, but therapy for us as well. :)  Thank you for keeping up with us, and we hope you'll check in from time to time to see what crazy antics we're up to. :)  We love you and want you all to know how very much we appreciate  your kindness. :)  God bless you all, and goodnight. :)