Had such a hard time falling asleep last night. I think I feel lost in limbo. Levi is 1 year post transplant and is amazing and healthy, yet I feel I don't know how to move on. I am so use to the last year and have accepted everything as my "new life" and now with things back to "normal" I find it hard to cope? Is this normal? I thought I would plan drives and get people aware of stem cell transplants, hold blood drives and I cannot even get myself to donate. I don't know if I am trying to ignore the last year and get back into my perfect life of the unknown or if it is still to much for me to accept all that has happened this last year. I really don't know. I know I can't sleep at night and I feel I get short with my kids way too easy and find argument with Mark when ever possible. What is this??? I think I did a better job as a parent when Levi was sick and I had to juggle the hospital and home. Maybe this is all nothing but I did make an appointment with a doctor next week to see what she thinks. I know that even through all this God is in control and has a plan for my life. I just wish I felt some sort of control in all this! On a much lighter note, Levi is going to a normal clinic and will see a normal ped doc and have a normal well visit. All is amazing. Levi will even get to start receiving shots. I am excited to see her as she has been my kids doc for almost 12 years. This is a good day... Kaytlyn and Noah are staying the week with Mark's nephew and their family for VBS. They are already having a great time and it is much quieter at home. We had a busy weekend with Hope Kids and the kids had a blast. Saturday Noah drove a small car at the races and we watched the Hope Kids car win 1st place at Elko Speedway and on Sunday we had a blast at the polo classic. The kids had their face painted, rode a horse, painted horse shoes, learned to play marbles, and melon bowled, and watched some polo too. Soo much fun made possible with Hope Kids!! Well Levi is awake from his nap and is calling for his Mama....
|
