I feel helpless. I am 31 years old and I feel like my life is over. Night turns to morning and I am still awake.I can't seem to enjoy the things that I should be. I try to be there for my children and I seem to need them more than they need me at this point. Food does not taste well. I want to scream at people I don't know because I don't think they appreciate their children. I want to scream at people I do know for the same reason.I have fallen into a depression that I can't seem to pull myself out of. I feel totally out of control of my life and the world I'm in. I cannot control the tears streaming down my face that seem to come faster than ever.For that reason, I found myself ducking into the bathroom today or outside so people at work would not see how I seem to have lost it completely. I can't figure out why God took my son. I read in the bible that He can heal ALL diseases. Why couldn't He heal my child? I guess a better question is why wouldn't He since we all know that He can? What have I done so bad in my life that my baby had to be taken from me? I had the faith. I asked for healing in His name and I believed I was living my life the way I was suppose to.My mother moved in with me a year ago and hasn't made any effort to move out. My 98 year old grandfather now lives with me because he fell in january and broke his hip. My home is in total chaos and I get no relief. I work 2 jobs to survive which usually keeps me busy, but now it's draining me. I called several of my friends today because I needed to talk. About nothing, but I still needed to talk. Would you believe not one person I called was available? Why should they be? Their lives are not sorrounded by the fact that my youngest son is dead. I feel so alone and miserable. This is my life. This is my life. This is my life.
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