Leah Rule's Journal
life goes on....
Written Jan 22, 2013 2:00pmhello. well it's been a month now since Leah left us. things are slowly settling down here at our "cozy little hideaway" we call Greenvale. the news cycle has moved on, as it always does and the sun is staying around longer each day-i'm told that there is 40 more minutes of daylight now, than on that fateful solstice day.i've finally gotten through all the cards and gifts (you people are a very kind and generous group) though i have yet to view most of the pictures from the beautiful memorial service Leah custom ordered. they still choke me up. but there are many, many good shots and it is felt that nearly everyone that was there is in a picture or two (special thanks to photogs-brent, neza and steve) and i look forward to going thru all of the hundreds of pictures one day soon. maybe it'll be one of those "rainy day" projects.as i mentioned at the beginning, things are quiet out here. and it's quite strange, as we've never really been known as the "quiet ones", well at least not me. several mammy nuns have been coming out to make music (usually loud) with me, knowing it's good for my soul. we tend to play songs that Leah loved to play.many of you have sent notes of Leah visitations and dreams. i love to hear those and am patiently waiting for her to visit me in a dream or....in the mean time, i finally understand why so many families, friends and lovers try to carry on a deceased loved ones projects-it's a way to keep them alive. and in that vain, we're moving forward with the musical project Rock For The Rules Vol. 2, "a Musical Quilt for Leah". we're about halfway to the 55 band/song mark. it's a beautiful project and Leah loved the concept and songs she was able to hear, choose and approve. the music is one big "warm fuzzy", thus a Quilt.it is a large project so it will take some time, but when it's done, i'm sure most of you will hear about it and hopefully hear it too.also, as i slowly go through Leah's notes and journals, i see she has the next issue of Rural Fox (her "zine about her life in the country) all outlined and partially complete. so, after a few discussions, i've decided to finish up the next issue and send it out to her "subscribers". as she was so ultra organized and since i was a part of the whole process for all issues, it will be a fairly easy undertaking. and, to top it off, several artist friends have approached me about contributing a Leah related story or drawing, done in the spirit of Rural Fox, to this next issue, which will be #18. so, if you have something that you'd like to maybe have included, please contact me.so , as i "jokingly" now refer to myself, i am now the "caretaker of the world's largest Leah Shrine, that i know of". and being thus, there are dogs to walk, cats to entertain, gardens to plan and plant, a barn to finish, cows to water, songs to write, a mammy nuns record to record, drawings to draw, painting to paint, stories to write and a couple of festivals to plan (GYD and Moonshine).so while i dearly, dearly, dearly miss my Love, i'm surrounded by her-her projects, her art, her music, her image, her movies, her clothes, her library, her memory, her friends, our families, her dream home and on and on and on. "i don't love her more, but i don't love her any less...."so if you have a Leah experience, anytime soon, i'd love to hear about. thank you all for your love and support, it's truly magical."ob la di ob la da life goes on......"much love from Greenvale.........i still love Leah.........rob
LEAH'S FINAL WISHES....
Written Dec 28, 2012 6:16pmhello out there. it's a snowy, peaceful night out here at the farm. it's been a week since LEAH left us and it is one week from today that will be her memorial. in the past week, many feelers have been put out and nearly all are coming back with just one question, "what more can i/we do"? simply amazing....so as i sit here, on this quiet, snowy night, listening to many of LEAH'S favorite songs, i'm reminded of our one main difference in musical taste-she absolutely loves her sad, weepy, depressing, minor chord, downer singer/songwriter stuff. me, i prefer a little more bounce, guitars and major chord silliness. of course we always agreed to disagree. what makes a song personal, is a "personal" thing.one of the many sadness' of Leah's disease was her diminished capacities for so many, many things, but for me one of the hardest, was her setting music aside. what was, for nearly our whole time together, a daily indulgence, slowly faded to just rare moments. whether she grew disinterested (though i think not) or lost concentration (possibly due to the truckload of drugs and chemicals) or maybe the music was a painful reminder of a former, fading life, i can't say for sure, though i hope she explains it to me at some point.anyhow, her final wishes, did include music.location-she asked, if possible, to have her memorial at the cedar cultural center. she had no second choice. (we went to our friend, Tom Cesario's memorial there and she always used that day as her template). so, when contacting the cedar, we were informed that there were no weekends available until some time in feb. then, we were informed that there was a cancellation on fri. jan 4. we jumped on it. (we joke that Leah, after visiting our friend SLIM, headed over to the cedar and erased the friday booking, so she could have the first friday of the new year).she said-NO VIEWING, NO CHURCHshe asked that we have a slide show and to include the hundreds of pix she has "flagged" as special.some songs to be played:-JUST THE MOTION-RICHARD THOMPSON-DEEP FORBIDDEN LAKE-NEIL YOUNG-I'M FREE-PRINCE-MARATHON-HEARTLESS BASTARDS-MOLLY MAHER-HOW GREAT THOU ART(played at Grandma J's funeral)then she said, "just play my favorites playlist on the ipod"(which is the above mentioned sad songs)speakers-she asked her brothers Greg and Jaime to speak and her "bestest" friend Dana to readflowers-NO ROSES, NO EXOTICS.WILDFLOWERS-daisies, cone flowers (echinacea), black- eyed susans,yarrow, gayfeather, sun flowers(this will depend on the season and i want it sothat people take flowers with them when they leave, so rob's not stuck with a van full).ask Angie.decore-NO BUTTERFLIES. I AM SICK OF BUTTERFLIES. BUT IF PEOPLE BRING THEIR OWN, THAT'S OK.food-ask Dawn (Fabulous Catering).live music-NO BANDS. JUST AN ACOUSTIC SONG OR TWO.-RICH/GERMAINE-TERRY WALSH-JENNIFER MARKEY-MOLLY MAHERso as she's dictating this to me, i'm tapping my foot, slightly impatiently, and she says "that's all" and i'm like "are you sure"?she looks at me for what seemed a long while and replies, "of course i'd love it if you'd play, but i just thought it'd be too hard for you"...so i'll hopefully do some mammy songs she loved to play.THE SHOW-her last request (not counting the dispersal of her ashes along her walking paths and our pet cemetery, which won't happen til spring) word for word from her journal:It would be really cool if after my memorial there was a show at a bar/club. I'd like it if THE MAGNOLIAS played 1st because Rob and I met because of them. Then I'd like the TISDALES to play because Rob and I both love Richie and have been going to see his shows since the GLENRUSTLES. Then I'd like ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO to play because he is one of my favorites. Rob likes him too. It would be beautiful. Of course, I'd want the MAMMYS to play if they wanted to but I don't think Rob would. Also, it would be amazing if NEIL YOUNG was there but that's not realistic.(so there ya go john & rich, maybe a show out at the farm someday)lastly-keep it simple.so there ya go. it's still lightly snowing, i'm still listening to her "sad " songs, though i must say, she has great taste in music and, of course, most all things.i've started receiving mail addressed to rob instead of rob & leah. i assume the ones addressed to me alone are well wishes, condolences and sympathy related. i haven't opened any of them yet. her music is enough sadness for today. maybe tomorrow.LEAH was very fond of-ONE DAY AT A TIME. so that's where i'm at. and i'm quite thrilled that here, at her end, the MUSIC IS BACK WITH HER. as the mammys sometimes sing.....SOONER THAN LATER THE MUSIC WILL WINSOONER THAN LATER WE'LL DANCE AGAINmuch love from greenvale robLEAH MEMORIALFriday, January 4th, 20134-10pmCEDAR CULTURAL CENTER416 CEDAR AVENUE SOUTHMPLS, MN 55454612.338.2674
Written Dec 21, 2012 12:21pmhappy solstice. early this morning, LEAH left us. leave it to her to pick the shortest day of the year, possibly to "shorten" our suffering. she's always been thoughtful that way.last night we (myself, ken, shirley, a dog and a couple of cats) were upstairs with LEAH watching one of our favorite xmas movies (love actually), when near the end of the movie (during the joyous, though manipulative, 3rd act), LEAH ceased breathing. we clocked it at 12:02am, give or take a minute or two. the nurse came out, noted lack of pulse and called it at 1:11am 12-21-2012. around 3:15, kurt, from the cremation society, arrived with the van. after much paperwork, me and ken carried LEAH down the stairs, to the gurney on the back porch and wheeled her into the van. we plan on bringing home her ashes on sunday.there will be a memorial service in the near future, probably after the holidays (depending on building availability). her obit info will be dropped off sunday and published sometime next week (st. paul, mpls, and glenwood city papers).as we've often said, sincerely, we thank you all for the love, energy and support you have bestowed and focussed upon us. LEAH loved it. this has been an extremely long journey. we are very proud and honored to have been along with LEAH as she handled this brutal situation with grace, dignity, strength and transparency. she left this world as she lived it-on her own terms. she is now pain free.me, i'm blessed and will continue to be blessed to have shared some time with her. i'm one of the fortunate ones to have met my soulmate in this life. she told me recently, that she would be my "special ghost". i dared her. no matter what, she is part of the fabric of my being.I LOVE LEAH sadly/proudly rob