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May 2014

Still wearing the external defibulator and supposed to finally get one implanted this month.  I have found a study that I qualify for that may improve my heart so I am happy about that.  Found an FDA approved device that treats pain and depression and have decided to try it!!

I hate reading my journal here and seeing that I am STILL like negative and whiney and still holding grudges.  I am really trying though.  Tiffany has forgiven me and has allowed me back into her life and its a wonderful thing.  She is starting law school in the Fall.  I worked things out with my other relative and apologized but with both of them I just have to keep hoping and praying that someday we will have the closeness that we once had.  I am very grateful for their forgiveness and do not feel worthy.  Perhaps thats why I have so much trouble forgiving IDK have to think about that.  

Still staying at Mom and Dads and I really dont know how either of us will function without the other when we move next month,  I need them badly and like to THINK they need me...well I know they do in some ways but they need their privacy and independence in their golden years as much as possible.

Thanks so much to those of you who have stood by my side during all this.  I will never forget the things you have done for me and my family and I plan to pay it forward!!  If I have not sent a think you note or something I hope you can forgive me, I worry about that.  

Thanks for caring,