There are a lot of routines in hospital you get used to, but I will never, ever feel that I can get used to handing Lara over in theatres for procedures and operations. I face each one with a sense of dread and the knowledge that it will rip a piece of my heart away.

It starts in pre-op when you are always told about the risks of bleeding and infection and the things that may go wrong. The risks are minimal but they have to torture you with these thoughts ... just in case. Yesterday when I carried Lara up the hall to the theatre room she asked "Where are we going?" "You're having your tube changed in your tummy honey" "I don't want to go mummy" "We have to do this so you don't get sick sweetheart, the doctors said so" There's not a lot she can say to this so she starts sobbing into my shoulder. How am I meant to deal with this? She knows the room and she is scared. I can't make it better for her, I can only hold her until she is unconscious and be there after when she wakes up hysterical.

She bounces back though, amazingly. This morning she is home and running round the house playing with her cousins at Nanna's house. She hugs the nurses after they put needles into her (after all the screaming is over). She may be scared but she is very forgiving.

As each one of these times breaks my heart, it also knits our little family closer together too. We all know our roles, and we work as a team to get through it with the reward of being home together again afterwards and knowing that each step and each day brings Lara to a healthier future.