Kevin Massey's Journal
Written Feb 5, 2014 4:27pmKevin is doing well. I have been reading through this journal today. It is full of family, grace, faith, tears, inspiration, love, laughter, and change. These past fours year I have come to realize to appreciate change. Life is full of changes. As I read through the entries it seems like yesterday when we arrived at the hospital but also a million years ago. I could feel the emotions, the tearing at my heart, the heaviness, the joy, hope, faith, believing, the sweat and tears, the endless love and support. You can't read all the entries and not know God is in control over our lives we just have to let him lead us, guide us and listen to what he is trying to tell us.
My thoughts the past week or so has been all over the place from lowest lows to the highest highs. You all have been on this journey with us so most know the how devastatingly bad it was. Look where we are today. Kevin is a sophomore at the University of Kentucky and doing well. Marissa will be a freshman at the University of Kentucky in 6 months. Duke will be getting married. Dwain and I are closer than ever. My family is still as freakishly close as we ever were. My kids have the best Granny, Pappy, Mamaw , Papaw Aunts, Uncles, cousins, second moms and dads and friends in the world. Life is about change you have to learn from it and move forward.
On the snowy, cold, gloomy we were asked to have a conference with all the drs that had to been involved in Kevin's care up to that point. Sitting around this conference room with what seemed to be a 100 drs, nurses and many I had no clue who or what they were and Dwain and I. Looking at their stone faces you could tell is was devastatingly bad. Tears rolling down, heartbreaking, gut wrenching, trying focus on what they were saying but not hearing the words coming out of their mouths. I could see their mouths moving but no words. My mind was so loud with voices but not the who was talking Focus Ruth this is important pull it together how, when, why, what are we going to do. Then my mind became quiet I hear call everyone in how much time do we have...I will never forget that moment no matter how hard I try...looking at Kevin's face, touching his hair, his cheeks, arms, fingernails trying to memorize every inch of him. Climbing into the bed with him laying next him praying. Can he be a donor, how do you plan a funeral for your baby, please don't let him be alone, did he really accept Jesus as his savior, please please don't put a sheet over his face Kevin is afraid anytime someone would cover his face with anything at all including a sheet...as we went through the emotions as a family crying, laughing at memories, trying to be strong for each other we said no crying in the room or talking of the prognosis just fill the room with positive words and laughter surrounded by many people I never felt so alone. I was given a few minutes by myself with Kevin as I sat alone at his bedside praying the tears started coming praying like I have never prayed before I don't really know what I was praying for only remember please help us God...every went silent and calm I hear "I am with you. You are not alone. I am by your side. I will never leave you." seconds later my Uncle Bo, who had passed years before, he said"I am with Kevin he is going to be ok."
I honestly could not even tell you Kevin was in a coma until months later when I saw it on a paper from the dr. I asked my friend was he in a coma. Denial worked well for us to get us to where we are today. Denied that Kevin was going to pass, Denied that he would only be a vegetable, Denied we heard Kevin's voice for the last time, Denied he is not going to be without a trach or gtube ever again, Denied he is only going to be in the wheelchair, Denied his mind would be locked away, Denied Kevin will not get his complete healing.
MIRACLE, MIRACLE, MIRACLE AND MORE MIRACLES.
God has a special plan for Kevin. This I know.
God is giving Kevin a complete healing and restore his health and abilities. God is giving Kevin and us the platform to help others.
If you know anyone child with cancer or life threatening health condition every single one of them they are always happy, joy, thinking of others, inspirational, full of strength, courage and faith, and love. How is that when their battles are so huge? GOD that is how.
Thank you to everyone who supported us each and every step of the way. Those who we never met, those who leaves a message, those who have prayed for us and with us, those who treated Kevin and our family as a patient, those who wept with us, those who laughed and put up with our inappropriateness, those who help make our dreams come true and continue to help make them coming true, Those who have love us!!!! We are BLESSED!!
Please continue to pray that we find the cure to cancer!Keep the prayers coming!
You Got This, Kev!!
Happy 20th Birthday Kevin
Written Jan 17, 2014 7:11pmHappy Birthday to my baby boy. Kevin was the sweetest, most loving, blonde hair, blue eyed, gingerbread man tan, shy and mommy's little boy when he was young. He is full of love, laughter and life. It is amazing to me how this little 5lb8ounce 21 inches long baby could turn into this 6foot 2 210lb miracle that he is. Kevin's life has so many miracles packed into these 20 years I can't wait to see what the next 20 years has instore for him. Many memories and thoughts of how time flies. It seems like yesterday I was holding him in my arms and loving on him. Never knowing I was staring at a hero, inspiration to so many people including myself. A fighter, someone who lives to make others laugh, motivator, and that doesn't take the easy path to anywhere. Kevin challenges everything. Tell him you just can't do it- he will try hard to find the way. I watch in awe at his spirit...I see don't feel sorry for me, just be yourself, my friend, don't judge, always try hard, love a lot, never give up, make memories, dream big, and laugh, laugh, laugh.
Thank you, God, for bringing him into my life and allowing us to celebrate this birthday with him and many more to come. Please continue to watch over and protect Kevin. Thank you for the miracles you work in his life. Continue to lead him to be more like you. Thank you for blessing me with such an son. This I pray..Amen
Keep the prayers coming
You Got This Kev!
I posted a few new pictures
Written Jan 8, 2014 4:26pmKevin's MRI is stable no change. We will take this every time. Sleep study was cancelled they called this morning needing more paperwork from the dr. We will reschedule during next day off, hopefully.
Keep the prayers coming!
You Got this Kev!!