Keith Beasley's Journal
Written Aug 7, 2011 8:31pm
I’ve thought about closing out these pages for a while now but never felt it was the right time to do it. However, I believe the time has come and this will be my last post.
While at church this morning I feel like I had a few moments of clarity. I felt so many different things during the months of Keith’s accident and some of those things have lingered and remained in the form of unanswered questions. I felt so sure that the Lord was going to restore Keith and bring him back. I just knew that God was going to conquer the grave and provide me with a huge miracle. I felt like I heard the Lord speak to me several times telling me that what He was doing He was doing for me and to me that meant He was healing Keith. After Keith passed away I questioned these things and wondered how I could have been SO wrong because what I felt regarding these things was SO strong.
This morning I was reminded of these thoughts and feelings and I felt the Lord speak to me in a new way. I felt Him tell me that He DID the things I’ve wondered about, just differently than what I was expecting. He RESTORED. He restored my life. He BROUGHT BACK. He brought back my joy and happiness. He CONQUERED THE GRAVE – my grave; He didn’t allow me to die alongside Keith. He PROVIDED A HUGE MIRACLE. He gave me a son that let’s me see Keith’s smile every day. And He did these things for me.
It’s been almost a year since Keith was taken from his earthly body, but in reality he’s been away and gone from us for almost two and a half. Those days and months were anything but easy, but they were needed. I think that’s another thing the Lord did for me. I needed time to adjust to new places and circumstances and I needed to do it with Keith nearby. I needed time to believe and I needed time to accept. I needed the timeline that God graciously gave me to alter my life plans so that I could move forward.
I say all of this to let you know that the Lord has been good to Brooks and me. It’s a continuous process, but He is restoring us to what was and what should be. I know that we would not be where we are had it not been for the prayer support of many and for that I am extremely grateful. I am ready to put this chapter behind us but want to do so by letting you know I have appreciated all of your kind words, your support, your love, and you experiencing this journey alongside our families.
Thank you again.
If you would like to check in from time to time to see what’s going on you can check the following blog (although we haven’t really been that great of keeping up with it lately).
Written Apr 10, 2011 1:11pm4.10.2011 - Two years.
Anniversaries. Usually it’s a certain date on a calendar, like April 10th. That’s when Keith’s accident happened. Two years ago today. However, it was also Good Friday. So technically it was two years ago Friday but I'll also be reminded of it in a couple of weeks. On Thursday my dad asked my mom if I had realized it was exactly two years ago from THAT day when I last heard Keith’s voice. I had not. And when my mom said that to me I told her that there were too many dates being thrown around to remind me of all that went down two years ago. Every day I live my life without Keith so I don’t really need a particular date or dates to draw my attention to it. However, this weekend it’s been hard to escape.
The Masters is on – that’s the last thing Keith watched.
The front-page story of the Dallas Morning News today is titled: “In a flash, lives change.” It’s about a soldier who suffered a traumatic brain injury in 2007. His wife was pregnant at the time of the accident and our stories are quite similar, except he remains in that condition. The story is a good one to Google if you’re interested.
Yesterday I was out buying some things for Brooks. I was supposed to get a massage at 6:00 and had a little time to kill so I went in to a place I hate because it was a place Keith loved. Marshalls. Sometimes I go places like this because, to me, it’s filled with Keith. I like how I can look around and be able to imagine what he would be doing or what he would be buying. Every once in a while when I’m at the store I’ll buy food that I don’t particularly like, like cheddar Chex mix, because Keith loved it and I miss having it around. In a weird way it brings him closer to me. So anyway, yesterday I’m at Marshalls and my phone rings. It’s the massage place calling to tell me they had to reschedule me because the girl I was signed up with had to leave. Perfect. Before I could say anything the lady very nicely said, “But we can get you in tomorrow at 12 with Keith!” Ugh. Of course you could.
I walk over to look at something when I hear a song come on. I thought to myself, “You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.” Jack Johnson. Keith’s favorite. Playing at Marshalls. And not only was I hearing his favorite singer, but it was a song he used to sing to me when he thought I looked pretty: If I had eyes in the back of my head I would have told you that you looked good as I walked away…
That was the only line he would say and I had never paid attention to the rest of the song. I knew the words but never really thought about them. Until I heard them yesterday: More of this or less of this or is there any difference? Or are we just holding onto things we don’t have anymore? Sometimes time doesn’t heal, no not all…
Sometimes time doesn’t heal, but it makes it easier. I can say with complete confidence that those of us closest with Keith still miss him big time, but we are all moving forward. Some days hit harder than others, but we know what Keith would want and expect from us, so we continue on to honor his memory.
Brooks is FANTASTIC. He will be two in May and I’m not kidding when I say he is the SPITTING image of Keith – the way he looks, his demeanor, temperament, mannerisms, everything. I’m convinced the only thing I did was carry him for nine months…except he does have the Foster squint when he smiles and laughs, which is ALWAYS, so maybe I did have a little more to do with it than just housing him.
We still live with my parents and really I’m just trying to keep trucking in the right direction. Overall, life is good. It’s obviously not any path I would have chosen for Brooks, myself, nor our families and friends, but it’s the path that has been dealt to us so we make it work. Thank you for your prayers and support over the past two years. I know that the only reason we have been able to come as far as we have is because of the Lord and his undying love for us. He continues to shine His light in our direction and for that I am grateful.
Written Dec 16, 2010 10:52am
Christmastime, 2010 - I just wanted to send a quick hello to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. As we approach this holiday I am grateful that the Lord has given us closure so that we can anticipate the future years with hope knowing with certainty that the Lord’s plan is good.
I wanted to thank everyone for their prayers over the past year and a half as I know the journey would have been much more difficult without them. Thank you to everyone who has contributed to the college fund set up for Brooks. We have done our best to send thank you notes to those who have given but there are some that were returned as undeliverable and others who we had no address for. If you contributed and did not receive any type of acknowledgment please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I can verify that it was received. Lightening the burden of paying for Brooks’ schooling has been a huge blessing and one that I am grateful for.
I also wanted to thank those of you who continue to check in at random just to make sure everyone is doing okay. A couple of Keith’s friends are really, really good about doing this. It always makes me smile when I hear a voicemail saying, “Hey, Buddy, just checking in to let you know I’m thinking about you.” One of my personal favorites was when one of them found out I was WAY overdue for an oil change. For probably five solid days each time I would check my phone I would have a text regarding this issue. I would see the following: It’s a great day for an oil change! You know what today is? Oil change day! Guess what’s cheaper than a new car? An oil change! And so on. He ended up pestering me into getting it done and I know that Keith was smiling watching this go down.
We all miss him but it’s certainly easier knowing that, as Christians, we will see him again. Merry Christmas and let the countdown for 2011 begin! :)