October 15th 2007 – The calendar says 1 year, but it feels like such a long time ago. I remember being at work and wrestling with the idea of having Kailee’s tonsils removed. Later that day, I would leave work suddenly to go with Kailee for a CT scan. I could tell Kari was nervous, although she would not let it show. As drastic as this seemed, it offered an answer to what Kailee was going through. That alone made it seem worth while.
As many of you know, that visit…..well, it changed our lives forever. My world had collapsed. It would be 5 more days before we had the diagnosis. We would not make it to the Balloon Festival at Longbranch, and spend the weekend in a cabin at Luray. We would miss the High School Musical on ice. These were all things that we had planned out, and yet nothing now mattered. Time stood still. There were no days or nights. We were just waiting for the next results, diagnosis or procedure.
I’m not really sure when the denial and disbelief wore off. If I had to guess, it was around 3:30 am, some random morning, in the midst of a Hannah Montana show I had already seen 20-some times. Looking at my daughter watch TV like it was the middle of the day, because she had so many procedures during the day that she “slept” through and the night was so much better on her eyes. The morphine/headache combination made bright settings so incredibly uncomfortable for Kailee. Or maybe it was signing the orders to administer a chemotherapy/radiation protocol for my daughter…..something I honestly was fighting and could not have done myself. It was Kari’s strength that got me through that day.
But we got through that day, and many more. We had low points and actually managed to smile and laugh along the way. We made many new friends, and shared in successes and sadness.
So yesterday was the 15th of October. It came and went. There were no appointments or scans; no diagnosis; no procedures. The significance of yesterday was that it came and went without significance. I went to work; Kailee went to school; Kari ran errands; Emily went to pre-school; Alison got into stuff she shouldn’t really be in; we had dinner together; we got on each others nerves; and shared hugs and kisses. Who could have guessed that “status quo” could be such a valuable quality.
We are going to the Balloon Festival this weekend at Longbranch. We are going to the cabin in Luray after that, and spending the weekend. We are attempting (and succeeding) in our return to “normal”.
As an update to our journey….Kailee has her 3 month scans coming up in November. They will be the first scans taken after a period of zero treatment on Kailee. We are anxious and nervous. Her hair is growing in. Her legs are coming back super fast. All that remains of her central line, is a little scar that has healed over.
We will keep you posted. Please continue to keep Kailee in your prayers, and thank the blessings around you, everyday.
