In follow-up to Dad's funeral mass in New Jersey this past Friday, a number of people have asked for acopy of the eulogy. So my apolgies for this long posting, I believe you should be able to simply print this posting out....it is 5 pages long. We will look to post some more pictures before i close the site at the end of September.

Many thanks for all of your prayers for Dad and the family,

Jim

Eulogy for Joe Knipper

29 August 2008

Before I share my thoughts with you about our Dad, let me first thank all of you for being here today and for being so supportive of Dad, Margie and the whole family during these past four months.

Please know that after this liturgy, our family invites everyone here to come back to Forsgate Country Club for lunch and a continuation of this celebration of Dad’s life….for while it is with a heavy heart that we all gather this day….at the same time we also rejoice for we know that the choir of angels sings out for Joe as he has joined the Communion of Saints with our heavenly Lord.

Normally, during a eulogy, one would spend the next few minutes talking about our Dad and all his accomplishments…and thus I would take the time to tell you all about:

· His college days

· His time in the military

· His building of a family

· Chairing the Recreation Commission in New Providence

· Coaching grammer school basketball teams at Our Lady of Peace

· Chairing various church festivals

· Area Boy Scout Council Leader

· Coaching of Little League Teams

· Being the Church Organist

· Leading the cause to build a Korean Veterans Memorial on the campus of his alma mater – Niagara University

· His work at Preferred Behavioral Health

· His work on the Board of Trustees at Georgian Court University

· His work with the Sisters of St. Joseph in Rochester

· His role as president at Rossmoor for an unprecedented 4 years

· His leadership in starting a new business in 1987 and taking it far and beyond what anyone thought

· And of course I could tell you about his favorite role and that of a loving husband, father and grandfather

· And this list could go on and on as I know I left out much out

But most, if not all of you, here today know all about his accomplishments…you already know how Joe lead his life… and you already know the effect he has made on your life. But in preparing my remarks for today, even I had to ask myself: How did Dad make such a large impact on so many people? And when I reread the litany of his life - the common factor in all his activity became clear to me: whatever he did….whatever he took on… whatever he enacted - he created space for personal transformation to take place for those he touched. Whether it be the kids he coached, the congregation he played to, the students who benefited from his work, the employees he guided or the seniors he aided in his community – all were transformed by who he was and what he did.

So rather than talk to you this morning about his accomplishments or pine on about what an incredible person he was to all of us…I decided to take a cue from a professor from Carnegie Mellon by the name of Randy Pausch. Same of you may know or have read Randy’s story, but for those of you who do not….in September of 2006 Randy was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and given only 3 – 6 months to live. As a husband and father of 3 young children he was determined in his battle against the cancer, to leave his children his parting thoughts and wishes on life. He wanted to teach his children what he would have taught them over the next 20 years and how to best deal with the challenges of life. As is the practice at Carnegie Mellon for retiring professors, he provided his thoughts and insights during what was called: The Last Lecture. This lecture now sits on the internet and has been watched by over seven million people. It was then, through the encouragement of his close friends, that Randy published his Last Lecture in April of this year and by June it had sold over a million copies. Randy died On July 26^th, one month, to the day, prior to Dad.

So as Dad fought his battle with brain cancer I read Randy’s book, which is indeed insightful, and began to think of Dad – and how he trained, touched, and transformed so many of us here - and wondered, if given an opportunity, what would he say in his Last Lecture, what final thoughts would he want to impart and leave with us – what pearls of wisdom would be contained in his unpublished novelette.

So being blessed to have worked with Dad for over 20 years (that is about 3,000 lunches out), and taking personal stories and actual conversations I had with Dad over the past 4 months along with shared stories from family and friends, I compiled a much abbreviated version of what I feel Dad’s Last Lecture to all of us would have been. So whether you know him as Dad, or Grandpa, or Joe, or friend, or Sir Rossmoor or simply just ‘Mister’ as he is known at work - listen to the departing words of wisdom from the man we loved so much:

My dear family, friends, and loved ones,

Thank you for being here today...and for especially walking along side me on my journey these past four months….and for coming together today as community in prayer and celebration of my life. Since you are hearing these words that Jim now reads to you, it means that our good Lord has called me home to be with Jean, Jay and all my family and friends who have gone before me….so know that I am in a good place – a real good place – and I am looking forward to playing some great games of golf with some very close friends who are already home with the Lord…and for the first time – I can be assured my handicap will improve!

Knowing that I do not have much time left in this life, I wanted to leave for all of you and especially for my grandchildren, 5 basic life lessons for you to consider, to hold and to perhaps make a part of your life.

As you know, a few years ago, after I fully retired from the business – besides working on my golf game - I continued to get more involved working on various charitable boards and enjoyed the work I had been doing within the community that I love so much – Rossmoor. But often I would be asked why was I doing all this – why not just sit back and relax and let someone else do the work…and my answer has always been the same, “The good Lord has given so much to me, I need to give back.” So my first lesson to leave you with is this: be willing and ready to share your gifts. We all have God given gifts – gifts of organization, gifts of laughter, gifts of knowledge, gifts of caring, gifts of presence and so on, and the list is as infinite as there are people – but for whatever reason, we often are so busy doing and going for ourselves, we lack the time or the desire to share our gifts for others. Don’t sell yourself short, everyone is gifted in their own way, and all that is asked of us is to share our gifts with those around us – and be the best at what you can do.

Second Lesson: Be present to others. I certainly support the fact that one has to first and foremost take care of themselves before they can take care of others (my family is learning that that the hard way while they take care of me!) But in today’s world it seems, at times, that the pendulum has swung too far in that direction – to the point where for many, it is all about me first and others later. Make sure you set aside time each day to be present to those around you. My favorite activity at work was walking around the company and saying hi to everyone and listening to sound sites of their life stories. When we are connected to others we become better people. So be available to others…close your mouth…open an ear...pull up a chair, and be there for someone.

Third Lesson – Focus on your family. No family is perfect and truth be told – neither is mine. But your family is the only family that you have. I can tell you with certainty that the most joyous times in my life were when I had all my kids and their families together. Be it at Christmas or Easter or some other family event….having everyone together brought me much joy and seeing and hearing the successes of all the grandkids made me very proud.

In my recent prayer life when asking God ‘Why me?’, to which God responded. ‘Why not you?’, my eyes were opened to how my cancer has brought my family together in so many different ways. Oh, I heard the squabbles that went on at times and they always will – that is part of family – but I could never say thank you enough to Margie, my kids, my grandchildren, my sister as well as so many friends for being there for me – but more importantly for being there for each other. Never forget and never stop being family for one another.

Knowing that I will soon die I have had time (frankly too much time) to think about my faults and failures. So many kind people have been posting accolades on my Caring Bridge web site which humbles me and encourages me to fight the good fight. But more importantly this forth lesson I want to share with you is forgiveness. The three most powerful words in the world are “I am sorry”. We are all human, we are all imperfect, we all make mistakes. So to all and anyone that I may have offended or hurt – I am sorry. So I ask each of you, over the next few weeks, to seek out someone you may have hurt…or even someone who thinks you have hurt them and perhaps you do not agree – either way – simply reach out and say – I am sorry. I remember hearing in one of Jim’s recent sermons that two thirds of Jesus’ teachings are about forgiveness and as I near my death, I now know why.

Lastly – stay true to your faith. Through my entire life my faith has been very important to me…and being raised a pre-Vatican II Catholic, the church gave me a strong picture of a loving, but vengeful and at times, angry God, for which you were given many ways to gain indulgences in order to minimize the holding time in purgatory.

Then a few weeks ago, lying in the hospital, on the night before my brain surgery, Msgr. Nolan, surrounded by some of the family, offered mass at the foot of my bed. During the liturgy he administered to me the sacrament of the anointing of the sick...and in doing so said something like. “..and may any and all your sins, whenever they were committed, be forgiven.” It wasn’t until later that night when I asked Jim – did he really mean what he said – that ALL my sins are forgiven. And Jim assured me that indeed that is what it meant – I had a clean slate and after that, I actually felt different…I felt renewed…I felt spiritually healed…I felt at peace with my God.

Then it dawned on me – our God is not a vengeful God – rather our God is an ever-loving and ever forgiving God – a God who is calling to me, a God who has made a place for me, a God whose face I now see, a God who will welcome me back home – and… that makes all the difference to me as I face these last days. And, so, to all of you – please never, ever forget – this is the same God that unconditionally loves and forgives each of you more than you can ever know.

So there they are – five lessons I leave you with: use of your personal gifts, being present to others, and a focus on family, forgiveness and faith. Those who know me well, know that I could go on, and on -- for there is so much more I would like to share with you, but I grow tired and I know I am being called home. Take care of each other, know that I will pray for you, know how much I love you...and know that my peace and blessings will be with you always and forever.

Love,

Joe

Unlike Randy Pausch - Dad’s death will not be noticed by the entire country, nor will his Caring Bridge site attain 7 million hits (albeit 12,000 is not bad!), nor will his 5 lessons make it to the New York Times bestseller list – and frankly that is really OK. What is important is for us to celebrate the gift of his life and to remember how he touched each and every one of us in his own way.

Within eulogies, it can be often said, “He or she leaves behind a legacy” – which is a cliché that doesn’t do much for me. But what Dad does leave behind for us are so many stories we hold on to that provide us a model of how we can walk through life. As we celebrate Dad today – we have a choice: we can leave this church and perhaps remember a word or two about Mister, wipe a tear away and go back to our daily routine – or we can take a piece of him with us – make part of a ‘Mister’ Story, or a Joe story, or a grandpa story…part of our story and enact a change or a transformation within ourselves and to those around us….

… For that was the true gift that Dad gave each of us - a model to follow of how we can walk with each other as we journey through this short life in preparation for our eternal life with our risen Lord – for when that day comes and we too are called home to God, we will be welcomed by the communion of saints and greeted by all of our loved ones who have gone before us…..and on that day we will once again be reunited with Sir Rossmoor, the Mister, the Dad, the grandfather, the husband, the Trustee, the golfer, the friend and the lover that we have loved and that we will miss so very, very much.