Joe Hebert's Journal
Written Jul 22, 2013 7:11pm by Sherran HeberrToday is July 22, 2013. It has been one full year since we last had a "normal" day. Our lives changed forever on July 23, 2012- the last day that Joseph was truly with us in mind body and spirit. What I wouldn't do to go back to July 22.
Sister lying face to face in bed with brother their noses nearly touching as they discussed the next days event. She trying to be positive and upbeat, repeating again and again that everything would be okay, HE would be okay. She was trying to allay his fears as much as her own. He was so apprehensive and nervous, why didn't we just cancel the operation then and there. I want, no, I need to think its because we were so afraid of losing him. Oh what cruel tricks the universe can play on us, why? Why our beloved Joe?
Our new normal is helping us all cope but we just can't seem to let go of our old normal. Memories, feelings,treasured moments fall over us cloaking us completely in unending and unrelenting sadness. Some days it's hard to shrug off this cloak of darkness. Other days we can hurl it aside like the pile of garbage it really is. Plain and simple life goes on. Personally, I want the entire world to stop and cry with me. How can it possibly continue without Joe. How can we live in this moment without forgetting joe in the last? I'm not sure either, but we do. By the love of God I guess. Each and every day brings old memories while creating new ones. I have no other choice but to accept both and I do so, willingly. Otherwise, that cloak will cover me so completely that I will never be able to throw it off. My family needs me to be the "crazy red-headed lady" that I've always been and Joseph understands- I know he does. He knows that I can not, will not, ever forget him, he won't be left behind while I move forward. Never
I haven't written in a very long time. Not because there hasn't been anything to write about. As joe would say, oh contrare mon frere"! So much has happened that I'm not sure where to even begin. The problem is that I can only write from my heart, when it is full and nearly over flowing with feelings. Unfortunately, it has been empty, I have been empty. That cloak was holding me prisoner, no that's not true, I wasn't a prisoner, I was there because I wanted to be, needed to be. But I've since discovered that living in both "moments" is not only acceptable it's desirable to both me and joe and especially my family. S I'll write as the spirit fills me. Live in Love and Peace. Joe would ask for nothing less., would he.
Written Apr 4, 2013 1:18pm by Sherran HeberrChris upgraded her phone yesterday. This morning she asked me to call her to see if her distinctive rings transferred. They did. I asked her to set my phone up the same way. I told her to set "My Girl" as Dans ring, as this is our song. When I married Dan 42 years ago he was a singer and bass player in a band. Whenever I hear this song I'm transported back to 18 and I can hear him singing this song to me- soooo romantic!
I said install "Thank Heavens for Little Girls" for you. I know, I know, you would think I would have chosen something more current like Chris's favorite Miranda Lambert song but what I chose is more how I feel, thank heavens for my little girl and her little girl too!
For Mieckal it's a no brainier- choose a Hank Williams jr tune about hunting fishing drinking Irish and football song and it will encapsulate everything to do with my favorite son-in-law!
Then be sure to use a U2 song, "Beautiful Day" for Joseph. For Joseph? Oh my God, for one glorious moment I had forgotten. For that one moment in time I had forgotten what it feels like to not have my stomach tied up in knots and to not have a huge lump in my throat all the time. For one unbelievable spectular moment joseph was still with me.
Oh my darling moose, how I miss you, oh my God how I miss you.
Brother is with me
Written Mar 22, 2013 3:30pm by Sherran HeberrSent to me by Chris this morning, felt it was something i needed to share.
"I was just so upset in the bathroom, thinking do u know how I live every second of my life for the rest of my life with a devastating loss, joe- do u know how beautiful u are to me, how beautiful u made my life? How do I do this? One foot after another, I carry myself out of the bathroom. I have been watching basketball all day every day since Saturday. I happened to be upstairs at this moment, I turn the corner and I'm eye level with the 3A side score board. It's 11 11, and it stays that way just long enuf for me to breathe a thank you. What are those odds- realistically?"
My kids are together. Even a death can't keep them apart.