I often thought that I would leave this site alone for folks to just remember Jim. But for years this site became our connection to the world. I want to share with all of you what has transpired over the last 7 months. It has been rough, especially on our hearts. For awhile it seemed as though Jim was on a trip and would soon be coming home. Some have told me that I was doing great, but that is only because it had not really hit me. It seems that last few months have become real and I know that Jim is truly gone. I thought that I cried a lot when he died but lately I have cried more than I have in months.
Jim and I belonged to an online support group for the type of cancer Jim had. It seems that so many people have either lost their fight or are struggling really hard with this cancer. It has really broken my heart in more ways then I could ever imagine. These folks and their families have become part of our lives in the last few years. In fact I want to share with all of you the story of two special families, one I met while on my way to see Christopher in Boston - Jim, Amiee and Brinanna Disney. Jim has this crappy disease too but he remains to have an incredible spirit and continues to beat the odds. Amiee, all I can say about her is “she rocks.” Her determination to keep her family going never ceases to amaze me. I ask that you all keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. The second family, one that I have mentioned in my past updates, is the Sanfords - Jeff and Angela. Well, Jeff lost his fight a couple weeks back and he is now with Jim. I hoping they are surfing the big ones on the coast of California together. They both loved the ocean and now they can finally share a friendship without discussion or sufferance of their illness. Please keep Angela and her two 10 year old twins in your thoughs and prayers as they now have to make an adjustment without Jeff
As for us, life over the last 7 months has been a big adjustment and I truly tried to thank all those who were there for us during Jim’s illness and during his passing. Jim’s services were nothing short of amazing. The kids and I still think about all those who came from near and far to be there to honor a wonderful man and be there for us. If I have not been in contact with you, please excuse me as I know that for a while I shut the world out. I apologize for ignoring calls and not answering e-mails. I just had to figure this all out and unfortunately none of it has gotten any easier. While the holidays were hard, we manage to get through them. I had everyone home and even had Jim’s dad here for a visit. Over the years of not being close to family, Jim and I always kept our kids connected with their grandparents and I intend to keep that connection going! I feel as though they need family and friends now more than ever. Christopher has moved to Boston and is doing well there. He has landed a job as cost analyst in the Defense industry, working for a company called Tecolote. Chris was to anxious to move; he of all kids had his hands full with helping me with Jim and the house, along with his commitments to both school and work. I think he needed to get away…only I did not think he would go so far away! Now, I think he wonders if he made the right decision, or at least I hope he’s wondering. Anyway, our hope is that over the years he can find his way back to the west coast. Jason continues to go to school in Logan. He is pursuing a degree in Political science so if anyone would like to get into a political debate with him or would like to find out what is happening in the world, please call him. I don’t see him much because of his involvement with his political science club and school work. He hopes to graduate next spring and then attend law school. Jacquelyn is my tough one. She like me - wears her heart on her shoulders and misses Jim like crazy. She was in her senior year of high school when Jim was diagnosed with cancer. She was just trying to figure out who she was. Now that Jim has passed, she is the one who takes care of mom and watches for my heart and has been there when the tears could not stop. I truly could not have gotten through the last 7 months without her. She continues to work full time at the airlines and attend night school, so I never see her either. And as for me, I have taken advantage of Jacquelyn’s benefits and have done some traveling. As most of you know, I went to Hawaii for Jim and I’s anniversary and had a bittersweet time. It was not the same because Jim was not with me. If you all get a chance to hear the song “On a white sandy beach” with Z that is now what I call Jim and I’s song. I heard it while I was walking the beach in Hawaii and instantly knew it was a song I loved. I also saw Chris in Boston and was able to visit with Susan and Roger (Jim’s aunt and uncle). They both have been real supportive to us all and have been there for Chris. I still work full time and go to the gym in the morning before work. My weekends are just long especially with the winter we have had. I just take one day at a time and have my good days and my bad days.
The kids and I continue to miss Jim with all our hearts. He is the first thing most of us think about in morning and last thing we think about at night. I think the hardest thing about not having him here is not being able to talk to him and see his smile. So our goal is to continue to live this life and make him proud of us. I just know that he is not suffering and is now our angel in heaven.
There is so much I can continue to tell all of you,but I do not want to bore all of you at once. So if it is alright with everyone I’ll continue to update this site on how life is going for all of us. I have missed everyone and would hope that you’ll all take some time to check in on us from time to time.
Love, Monica and Kids
