I have been thinking on what to write .

I miss jimmy like crazy thats a given

Im still upset with the hospital for not doing the autopsy and not having that closure.

Im upset with myself for things that were in my control and things that I couldn't have changed.

I dont understand how people think that by not talking about jimmy it is easier. Because its not, it makes it like they have forgetton him already and i will never do that.

I don't understand how life can go on with everyday stuff and I'm just in a fog waiting for what- well jimmy of course to head back to the hospital , inpatient stays ,and bad food that was my life for 5 years and its just hard

I love spend time with the girls but they are back in school and even Lindsey is struggling she misses him so much and just wants to see him again.

I try to smile and be happy but its a chore to get out of bed every morning and I can keep busy during the day but the nights are bad I can't sleep and it is when I miss him the most. Snow ( jim's stuff dog) gets passed between the 3 of us. His room is a mess but I'm not cleaning it, he has dirty clothed but i'm not washing them and his bed's not made i'm not fixing it.

I wonder why god chose me to be jimmy's mom and i have no idea i was told it was because he knew i was a strong enough person to be able to deal with everything. while jimmy touched so many people with his smile and bright blue eyes. I don't feel strong right now. I feel broken, ever since jimmy relapes in march I felt like i was slowly slipping down the mountain.

Jimmy was a strong, brave and couragous little boy who in a span of 9 years touched many lives, he changed mine i will love stronger, be a better mom, and better friend. I will in time laugh loud, love longer,help others, and remember what jimmy has given me, strenghth and courage to fight the unknown. The knowledge that hey MOM if I can do it so can you.

I'm sure he is saying Ill have my people call your people it was one of his funny sayings.

With 2 girls there is alot of Hannah Montana songs playing in our house and her "I miss you " is our song right now.

I have a question " If you could go back what would you change?"

Love Christy

Our first beverement group is monday at the ccc.