Had a visit to the Drs office yesterday after having one good day after the past 6. Having been extremely tired daily and having way to many dizzy spells and near blackout episodes, it's been a hard week. The issue is primarily my circulatory system and tumors in the arteries and places I don't need them to be but they have found their way there anyway. We will be contacting OHSU to check on clinical trials and other chemotherapy options. The chemo I am currently on causes chemical burns from the inside out on any places that skin touches skin so can be very painful. I was suppose to have chemo yesterday but because of the current burns I'm dealing with, the chemo would only make it worse so it was canceled until we can get further information from the specialist in Portland. I will know more on Monday. Having God guiding my time and days gives me comfort through all of this. Sure I get scared, who wouldn't? But it's not fear of leaving this earth as much as fear of not having been good enough. Fear of thinking I loved the Lord and followed him closely enough when I didn't. I so want to be written in the book of life. I have to trust that he already has me there. The prayers I need at this point are wisdom for the Drs., healing of my skin, and if there is treatment available, that God would guide the Drs to it. If not, that God would give me the wisdom to recognize and accept it but mostly that I not suffer. It's God's call. He's got me through this and will take me when he needs me and not before. My love to each of you.
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