It has been a LONG time since I have updated!  School is almost out and the kids are so excited for summer!  Everything is going well with the pregnancy...despite the fact that I am now of "advanced gestational age" (as my Dr. so kindly puts it!)  Billy really wants to name his new sister Hannah, because he wants Hannah back.  I tried to explain to him that Hannah can't come back and that this sister will be a new one, but he has a hard time understanding.  I am amazed at how much he still remembers about Hannah and the random times he thinks of her.  About a month ago I was hanging out some quilts and sheets and he started running through the sheets and told me he was racing Hannah!  I said who won...he said "I did"!  As if I should already know that!  Rebecca recognizes Hannah's pictures around the house and calls her "Nanah", I do hope that somewhere in her heart she has memories of her second older sister! 

Last year for Mother's Day my friend gave me a Magnolia Tree, which she told me is supposed to bloom around Mother's Day so I can have a gift from Hannah when it is blooming for Mother's Day and in September near Hannah's birthday.  What a beautiful gift!  On Mother's Day I came down and had a  wonderful breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon and OJ from the Kids and Mike.  The kids then proceeded to give me gifts (AliEmme had saved her money and bought me a silver "mom" bracelet, some very nice fabric scissors, (we will see if I can keep them away from the boys), and chocolate, from John a used pencil sharpener and a highlighter, then from Billy his favorite toy truck he had gotten for his birthday with one exceptionally well done wrapping job with tissue paper and about an entire roll of tape!)  I was kind of sad to not get a treasure from Hannah.  Well, then I went outside and the first flower had just opened up on the Magnolia Tree....Thank you Hannah for the beautiful Mother's Day gift!  It truly was a gift from heaven! (I am including a picture of the Magnolia blossom on this entry!)   

Things are going pretty well here.  I must admit, though, I have had a few tough days the past couple of months where I feel like I am just crying off and on throughout the day, it isn't very often, but I guess sometimes there is nothing but a good cry that will get through it, then I am good again!  Some of it is probably pregnancy hormones, part of it is probably just the greiving process, and part of it is just probably part of life!  I guess the biggest thing I am learning right now is to stick to it!  After Hannah was diagnosed, I guess maybe I was trying to prove to Heavenly Father that I would be such a good mom and do such a good job reading scriptures, and praying etc with the kids that He would leave her here, which He didn't.  Then after she passed away I was going to do such a great job on those things so I would be worthy to be with her again.  Now time has passed and sometimes I let life get in the way of the important things and now I am realizing that my children who are still here are the ones who need me to do those things with them the most...so that they can withstand the world...there is no "proving" so I can get what I want (Hannah not Passing away) that is not how Heavenly Father works , it's "doing" so my kids get what they need and not just so "I" can be with Hannah again, but so our entire family can be together again!  My perspectives in the past have been far too selfish, but hopefully Heavenly Father will continue to be patient with me as I figure things out, and my children will be forgiving, as they forever are, and Mike will stick by my side (He doesn't have much choice!)

Hannah's little friend Quinn (who I have written about quite a few times) and his family are moving to Michigan.  We are going to miss them so much!  Hannah and Quinn were only born a few days apart and were always little buds (sharing birthday parties etc).  As happy as we are for their family, it does feel like another peice of Hannah is moving away!  (By the way if we were having a boy Billy wanted to name him Quinn, because he is going to miss Quinn when he leaves!) 

Now on to the summer!  AliEmme and John have playoffs next week.  We had AliEmme's team party last night, and as much as I loved being coach, I am glad it is over, and won't let myself get roped into that again, at least for a few more years!!!!  The boys are signed up for basketball and AliEmme for volleyball.  I am sure we will be frequenters at the pool and the library.  Mike is only taking the first summer term so he won't be in class the night I go into labor...that would be my luck!  AliEmme will turn 12, Becca 2 and Mike 30 something!   We got the good/sad news that Billy is doing so well in school that he will no longer be going to PPCD after September, so he will only be in speech a couple of hours a week.  I will get to do a little preschool with him after all before he starts kindergarten!  I hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and a great summer!  Thank you all for your continuing love and support!  Please keep Sadie Huish and her family in your prayers!  She is one of the little ladies we have been in contact with www.sadiehuish.blogspot.com she is a trooper and has gone through a lot!

They have also made it so I can add more picture to the site so I will be adding a few if you would like to see them!
Love,
Brita