Another month is sneaking past. Where does the time go. Sometimes it seems like it takes forever to drag by and at other times I just feel like a bewildered child looking around saying "What just happened?". I want to thank all of you who sent books for Hannah's birthday. It touched me deeply to see how many of you remember her and wanted to comemorate her birthday. We had over 50 wonderful books to take to the library. The librarian was so excited and just kept saying thank you the whole time I was volunteering. She said that their budget has been cut back and she has been trying to come up with ways to get new books and was absolutely thrilled with the beautiful books we took in. So on behalf of Hannah and all of the children at Lowery "THANK YOU!!" I think we will do this every year. It was very healing to provide some small service while remembering Hannah and commemorating her life in a positive way, thank you all for being a part of that. OK, we've made it through the first year. There is a great amount of relief after making it through all of those first milestones. Our's seem to be clumped together (diagnosed 4 days after Christmas and her death three days after her birthday). We still think about her often and there is definately still a hole in our daily lives where she belongs, I suppose that will always be there and we will always wonder what she would have been doing if she were still alive. I guess that is part of the healing process of still acknowledging our loss and not trying to deny it. Sometimes that thinking and remembering makes us a little sad. Today I marked Billy's height on the door jam in the boys closet (where we keep track of our growing kids) and saw that he is only about 1/2" shorter than Hannah was when she passed away, and all too soon Rebecca will be passing those marks. Once again, time just doesn't stop, even though there are moments we would like to hold onto forever, there are an equal amount that we would just like to run through as fast as we can with our eyes closed. I was thinking the other day while I was doing laundry, yes I do think occasionally! What would I be willing to give up if I could have Hannah back again. Honestly if I were told "Here's the deal Brita, if you will give up your house...car etc. Hannah can come back into your family on earth." would I be willing to do it. The answer is "Of course, in a heart beat, I can make do!" Then I thought about the excitement of knowing I would see her again at a certain time. But then I thought Heavenly Father has told me "You can be with Hannah again and your entire family, you just have to be willing to give me your heart and serve others." And the heartbreak it would be to get to the judgement bar and seeing Hannah there and not being able to be with her because of choices I had made. I want to keep that excitement of knowing I will see her again and that I must endure to the end with such a great reward and much more than I ever imagined waiting. I do hope that in these unsure times we can all keep our eyes on this goal. There is so much good in the world, I am grateful forever for learning how to see it and what a wonderful influence good people can be. Quick kids update: AliEmme is doing great in school and really seems to like her teachers, she is turning into a beautiful young woman. She has decided to do student council, I think she will really enjoy that. She is such a good big sister and has really been trying hard to help out extra now that Mike isn't home much. She is a great blessing in our family. John was on the Honor Roll for the first time!!!! He is doing great in 3rd grade, we have to work hard, but it seems to be paying off. He also pitched for the first time in his baseball game on Saturday, he did a pretty good job. He is a very good swimmer and has been moved up an age group to push him harder. Billy is still our little crash and burn boy. He gets at least one pretty good little bump or bruise every week, but he is still smiling. He loves PPCD and I have a meeting with the ARD group next week to talk about his progress. He has started t-ball and loves it, however he did spend a lot of his time out in the field and even on first base rolling around on the grass, putting grass in his ear, tossing his glove up in the air...the regular t-ball stuff. Becca is really on the move and is walking all over the house now. She just loves her older siblings and is really starting to look like Hannah with just a darker complexion, big brown eyes and curly light brown hair and chubby little cheeks. Mike is doing well in school and is now in charge of the landscapes for Camden in Dallas. He is really gone a lot, but we sure enjoy the time he is home, he even took all of the kids but AliEmme on Saturday to give me a little break so I could get some work done with out too many helpers! All in all things are going pretty well here!
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