(By Wendy) One would think that I would feel better today than I did a month ago. That’s not true though. I feel much worse. A month ago I was numb. Now, I seem to see mom all around me. Everything reminds me of her. A song on the radio, the clicking of someone’s heels down the hall (you could always hear her coming), or a funny story I know she would enjoy hearing. Last night Andi and I found something mom thought she had lost. It was something precious dad bought her in Paris. At first we got so excited, we were jumping around. Baxter started jumping around with us, not wanting to be left out of the excitement. Then the tears came, when we realized that mom was not there. I wanted so much to run to her room, jump on the bed, and tell her that we found it. It is in those moments that it almost feels unbearable.
Talking to dad, I know he feels the same way I do. Yesterday at work, he also had the sudden urge to call mom and see how she was doing. It had become part of the being-away-from-each-other routine. He would work awhile and then check in on her. After he got his mushy moment, he would go back to work with thoughts of mom and her across-the-phone kisses. Yesterday, he certainly thought of her but had no phone calls to get him through. Andi and I called him a few times to check in, but I know it is not the same. (Even though our cuteness powers are strong, we can’t seem to make him giddy like mom did!)
As sad as some moments feel, there are certainly good ones. We are still wading through the boxes of pictures we found in the garage and have been reminded of some really fantastic moments. For example, Andi found this strip of pictures taken in a photo booth- the kind that clicks one after another in rapid sequence. At first glance you see the four of us, mom, dad, Jonathan, and myself crammed into the photo. Where’s Andrea you ask? Maybe she wasn’t there that day. Oh, no. In the second photo, you notice an eyeball in the corner. Then, in the third picture you see the face of a very cute and annoyed four-year-old. Can’t you just hear her? “Hey guys, let me get in!” And then we all laugh. Good times.
I have realized through all that has happened how blessed I am to have such great memories. Mom was a wonderful mother and a great friend. She took time to know me and spend time with me. As a young child, I would come home from school and hop on the kitchen counter. She gave me a snack and listened as I told her about my day. I’m sure she had so many other things she could have been doing, but she listened. As I got older, I began crawling into bed with her early in the morning. We would do our devotions together and talk about deeper things. She showed me in action how to study God’s word and seek his will. Just this past year, I remember walking into her room one early morning. Mom was there, sitting in bed with her bible opened. I crawled in with her once again, and she shared with me how God was her hope and her strength, even in the pain.
It is that strength that is getting us through now. Mom taught me how to rely on God and his promises, and He has proved himself faithful. Dad has often quoted 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This is true every day. I have seen his power at work in my life and in each member of my family, getting us through each day. Thank you for praying for us.
And thank you for the prayers you prayed for mom. She was daddy’s girl. She will forever be daddy’s girl.
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