Well, I can't believe it's been nearly a month since we last updated the site. Truly this has been the longest month. There were many finals and firsts and it has been difficult for both Shawn and me. I hardly knew what to write.
We had a good trip to our ranch in TX. It was very emotional for every one. It took a while to get up the nerve to actually go in the house. We did as Jackson had requested and left everything as it was in his and Grant's room. It was good for both kids. They spent quite a bit of time in there going though all of Grant's things and remembering. Jackson slept in there 2 nights and then switched rooms. He said he hated looking over at that empty bed. I can't say I blame him. I hated looking at that empty bed too.
On Grant's birthday we spread his ashes in the field at our ranch. It was horribly difficult to let the last touchstone of him go, but we knew it was time. We didn't want to become attached to a little black box of ashes. We don't have a grave stone or plot in a cemetery. We don't think it's wrong or anything. It actually wasn't the original plan, but we are glad it worked out this way. We know ourselves and it would be too easy to cling to it and treasure it because we treasured him. Whereas now, when we so desperately miss him, which is multiple times everyday, we cling to the promise that this life is not all there is and that death has lost its sting because of Jesus.
This is Shawn now. I read the following before we spread Grant's ashes:
We are here today to celebrate the birth, life, and rebirth of Grant Oliver Harrison Degler. On this day, May 31st, 2000, Grant entered this world at full speed and never slowed down. I often wonder if he did not always know that his time was short and he had to pack in all of his living in a very short time. And what perseverance! He would strive with all of his might to accomplish whatever task that consumed his thoughts, and was almost always successful...often to our dismay. If it were dangerous, life-threatening, or bizarre, Grant would lead the charge. But he also went head first into relationships and loved deeply. My son did not know an enemy. He could give a "monkey hug" like no other, and I am sure that is exactly what he did when he ran into Jesus' arms for the first time. Grant, when you review this tape in heaven, if you get the chance, we all want you to know that we are happy for you. You are a giant at last! You know fully as you are fully known. You have shed this mortal coil and wait expectantly for the new heavens and the new earth, and we are looking forward to worshipping our Father in heaven with you! And so, because of our great love for you, and your great love for us and this beautiful south Texas field, we want you to laugh out loud when you see that we have scattered your ashes in Texas with the lizards and snakes and bugs and all of the most excellent things that made you smile. I have a few verses that I would like us to to read before we send Grant back to the earth...
Psalm 103:11-18
Psalm 84: 10-12
Psalm 27:1,4-6,13-14
After we reaed these versed out loud, said a few words and sang the worship songs: "Jesus is coming back to stay" and "I can't wait to see Jesus", we went to the back field and Jackson drove the tractor, while Elena and I sat in the back of the tractor and scattered the ashes as he drove. It was sunset. It was beautiful, and very sad.
Then, I stood next to Emily and read:
And now my son:
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
