July 7, 2019 was that last morning we held Grace in our arms.  It’s been two months, but when you think about wanting to hold her again and what it felt like, it feels like eternity.

The void is tremendous, the days are short but long, the noise is silent, the daily paths are different, and lives have changed since that day.  What is a normal day supposed to be? 

Even though the many day-to-day tasks, challenges and tired evenings are gone, they are deeply missed, because it meant that we would still be taking care of Grace and in survival-mode for our little girl and that is something that does not go away easily at all. 

People ask me, how's it been?  I might ask, do you want the 2 second answer or the 2 minute answer or the 22 minute answer. There is not a very easy way to tell somebody because the way I am coping does not even justify the depths of what Andrea is going through as a Mom who lost her sidekick and best friend.  The one thing I will tell you though, please ask, we want you to.  “Acknowledgment goes a long, long way to help ease the burden of grief. Acknowledgment and validation are GIFTS to the grieving.”

Most days include a trip or two to visit Grace at the cemetery.  We have had some picnic dinners and lunches, card nights and many nights just sitting at the cemetery by Grace’s grave and looking at the sky.  Those nights we have watched the clouds, watched the sun set, watched our boys live without their sister and sometimes just sat there because we can’t focus on anything else besides wanting to be near her in someway. 

The prayers, support and appreciation that people have had for Grace and our family still continues to amaze us every day.  I would guess that we did what all parents would have done these last 9 years, but for some reason people have told us Grace was different. Grace gave them meaning and purpose, hope and strength, bravery and determination, she never gave up and others didn’t want to either.

The stories had been endless from people that met Grace and even people that never got to cross her path but have just heard or read about her life.  We have received cards and letters from so many people, thank you for all the encouraging words.  Some of you have explained in depth what Grace meant to you and how she changed your lives and those are such a gift to us.  

Grace's impact on so many people is hard to grapple with when she is not in our arms.  Many days we wish we could hold her again, smell her hair, listen to her sweet, soft voice, help her see or walk, play games, watch her rip magazines, tickets, construction paper, do stickers, want to color, stack cups, feel what we are holding, ask what we are doing or just be put in our place because we knew she was always the wise one of the family. 

But I think one of the toughest parts is that as time is passing by, we don’t have pictures or stories to share, so we don't hear as much about Grace and we wonder if she has been forgotten, not only by others but even in our own daily lives.  Andrea even mentioned one day if we think about Grace anymore, because we all come and go with work, school and activities... so that might tell you how tough things have been, especially for her. We have always lived in “Grace Pace”, and sometimes we might need to be reminded to not miss the simple things that Grace showed us everyday. We miss her presence and the way she completed our family. Her beautiful, loving spirit was a light in each of our days and that is a huge part of the emptiness in our home.

Milestones are difficult and will continue to be. Grace would have started 2nd grade this year. That day was extremely difficult. Her School, Lincoln Elementary, planted a tree in her Memory. We are extremely grateful for that gift and know she is always remembered and loved at one of her favorite places.

There is a new sign in our house that we received as a gift, it reads "Because someone we love is in heaven, there's a little bit of heaven in our home."  We know that Grace will always be a part of us and believe she is somehow watching over us, but it doesn't make it all easier.  We are learning something new and it sometimes seems impossible for the extreme sadness and grief we feel to ever diminish or decrease; however, the Lord is our hope and our our salvation, and he can turn our mourning into comfort. with God's grace and mercy, I would suppose we will be okay.

Go Grace Go!!
The Bittners.