I really don’t like that time flies by so quickly. Days, weeks and months go by and today marks 4 months since we last held our baby girl and got to see her precious face. I would say this summer has not been an easy one. However, I think I have been doing well, well as good as I can be.
Yet, grieving hits you when you least expect it to. A few weeks ago, I felt I hit rock bottom and couldn’t control my emotions. I longed to have Faith with me. I wanted to be the family of five with my three girls with me. I was struggling every day just to get by, I didn’t want
to do anything but think and remember my little girl. I was frustrated with life and with Adam working a lot and not being around didn’t help either. I am thankful that I am doing better. I am so grateful for my husband; he takes such good care of us as a family and me. He is always there, especially when I just want to talk about Faith.
A couple nights ago, Adam and I watched the video we recorded on May 22. I am so thankful that we have this video and can watch it anytime we want. As we watched it, we recalled so many things about Faith. After Faith was born, we looked at her pinkies to see if they were crooked (like mine, yep I was born this way) and they were. (Hannah's are crooked too!) We were surprised when Faith was born with dark brown hair. Faith had the most hair of all the girls. We are so blessed to be able to meet her.
I thought that nothing would be as hard as those first few weeks without Faith. Yet, here I am four months down the road and missing and longing for her even more. We miss Faith so much, Brooke and Hannah talk about Faith often and like to look at her pictures.
I have grown and have learned so much from this experience. It’s so easy to just turn your back on God. It’s hard to be faithful and trust God when you feel like he hasn’t been faithful to you. I had hope that God would heal Faith and allow her to grow up. Yet, I knew that God was in control and I knew his plan might not have been my plans. You have to have faith that God is in control and we are not.
I pray that Faith’s story has affected people in a way that will draw them closer to God, read his word and learn to pray, not just when things are going wrong. I know that I have failed at this, but I pray that I will continue to grow and live different all for the glory of God. I hope you love and hug your kids and your spouse differently and that you will trust God differently and have FAITH in HIM. Please pray that Adam or I do not waste any of this.
“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16
'Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.'
Hebrews 11:1
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