Important Information for the week:
SAVE THE DATE: Evan’s Annual Celebration of Life on Sunday, November 2 down at T-Street (Evan’s Beach)
Tentative Time Frame: 3:30pm congregate down at beach. 3:45pm paddle out, followed by ceremony/bonfire/slideshow
Still recruiting Volunteers nationwide for the future, and currently, for our OCFA drives we will be hosting this Saturday, Oct. 11 from 9-2pm. Email Mary our volunteer/event coordinator at a.hammer@cox.net to be added to our email list. Always looking for bilingual help too, of many languages, but again, specifically for our City of Commerce Health Fair on Saturday, October 25 from 10-2pm (Spanish please).
Tuesday Morning, from the spot on my bed….
Monday was a busy day, as I did three presentations and trainings to a variety of ages, including Derek’s 8th grade PAL class, Peer Assistance Leadership, a group of firefighters who want to help this weekend and in the future, and a large group of Assisteens, high school girls from the surrounding area. The 8th graders were by far the most fun, asking great questions and really enjoying the learning experience, although I did enjoy my time with the men!!
The reality of missing Evan gets no better, and even worse at times. I find myself trying to reach in to look at specific memories of his fight, and feel absolutely debilitated by those thoughts. I quickly have to force them from my mind. I would liken it to post-traumatic stress, and when I go there, the visuals are literally are like a blow to the gut and I have no choice but to run from those visions or they could absolutely do me in. I am sure a full blown nervous breakdown or panic attack could happen if I allowed myself to wallow in these horrific sights, but logical I remain and refuse to let those thoughts get the best of me. I know I am starting to go there because time continues to march on and I am less and less in a fog. Let me tell you, that fog was a good thing. It protected me from the reality of those six months of horror from Evan’s diagnosis to the end of his life. For as much as I shared this horror via our CB site, the actual reality that we had to witness personally is something that we, especially Mary and I, will never ever be able to erase from our minds. Suppress we can and must, but there will be times we have to allow ourselves to go there. And then I think about my friends who children who suffered for months and years and can’t imagine how they cope. I know my friend Sandy Barker has spoken often of Christian’s 20 month fight and how horrific his end of life was. Add to it that Christian was cognizant the entire time, knowing he was going to die. These thoughts of what we and my new friends and my future friends had and will have to endure are overwhelming. No one should have to see what we have seen, and I can liken it to war and the realities that our military personal, who have volunteered to fight for our freedom, and then all to often are rewarded with visions that no one in their lifetime should be privy to. Count your blessing for the wonderful lives we live here in America. And continue to be aware of the realities of life that so many of us have been forced to live with. I understand in this time of recession where we have no idea what our future looks like, with too many losing their homes and other possessions, that life can be unbearable. Do embrace your loved ones and realize as Alaina said so poignantly soon after losing Evan, “I would give up everything, even if I was homeless and only lived in a box and only had that box to give up, to get Evan back.” I would give up anything and everything, even this amazing journey we have been on saving lives in his honor, to just have him back with me in his pre diagnosis perfect body. I now warn Mark in the midst of this current financial crisis, no matter what, I will not give up my house, it is all I have left of Evan, and I can feel his very being exude from every corner of this house. I will live out my life in this house, no matter what!!
Praying, listening, waiting impatiently to be led, even as barriers and naysayers continue to get in the path of this amazing journey we are now on BECAUSE of my boy Evan.
Stay tuned, g
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